It is now 12:30 am. I'd been in bed from around 8:30. I read for awhile. And I thought I was tired. But every time I put the book down to try to close my eyes and drift off to sleep, my brain refused to let sleep come.
It's not that I'm running hundreds of thoughts through my mind. At the moment, my life is in a holding pattern. There isn't anything I can do about a situation at home until sometime next week. And since I have a plan of attack, I'm not running it over and over again in my mind. The end of the month is almost here, which means our monthly influx of cash, in the form of Rich's paycheck, will be on it's way at the end of the week. I can get through the rest of these days. And Dad's surgery went well. I haven't been able to see him, but between what the doctor told me and what his nurse called to tell me tonight, I'm feeling really good about things on that front. So what is on my mind? What is keeping me from sleep?
I know that I have four (unfinished) swaps that need to be mailed before the end of the week. And I need to get those finished up. But I'm not feeling super time crunch. I also know that I've got to work on straightening up my apartment so I feel comfortable letting the maintenance guy come in to look at the AC again. Of course, the immediate fix for that is to turn off the AC and open the windows, because we've had a great breeze making it's way through lately.
I'm a bit worried about myself physically - I did something to wrench my right shoulder so I don't have full range of motion without a lot of pain. I also managed to twist my ankle a couple weeks ago and it's still hurting, along with the knee that's been giving me trouble since I feel before our trip to the NE for the funeral at the end of February/beginning of March. These are on top of my usual aches and pains. But, for all that I know that part of what's keeping me from sleeping is the inability to get comfortable, I'm really not worried about these things. None of them are completely debilitating and, even though I'm supposed to see my Dr at the end of May, I'm going to try to make an earlier appointment to see her.
No, my brain is just full of too many stories. Thanks to the long wait at the hospital and the fact that I've chosen a few teen books, I managed to finish 4 books in the last 24 to 28 hours. The stories are dancing around in my mind, begging me to find out what's next (the two worst offenders being Margaret Peterson Haddix's Found (the first book of her The Missing series) and Heaven is High by Kate Wilhelm, her latest Barbara Holloway novel that has a couple of intriguing supporting cast members in this book that I really want to know more about). I've got Ghostopolis by Doug TenNapel sitting in front of me, begging to be read. It probably will be - if only for a little while - before I finally allow myself to succumb to sleep.
I've got thoughts of Blog posts running through my brain - again, a lot that need to come up, and a hope that I'll be able to work on them soon. Some of it will depend on how regularly I'm home with regular visits to Dad in the hospital. I need to work on my alphabet. I have 12 books that need to be reviewed. I want to get back into my regular writing memes, and I want to write more about the Mom Pledge, contemplating what it means to me, etc. But tonight really isn't - really shouldn't be - the time for thinking of that. I know my boys. They'll be up at the crack of dawn or earlier and they'll want, as Teddy puts it, to "be in the company of an adult downstairs." Which, since Rich needs to leave at 6:30, leaves me to be woken up as soon as the door shuts behind Daddy.
I think I need to start a personal journal again. I need to start writing out my day for me - no one else, just me. Because that may help keep my brain twisted tightly again. Something should.
With all this, I think I've written myself back to tired. Amazing how these things work sometimes. You write because you can't sleep, or talk because you have too much on your mind, and suddenly, even though nothing really feels clearer, it at least feels rested so you can get the rest that you need for mind and body as well. Getting it out somehow helps a lot. So now, good night, dear friends. And thank you for stopping by!
And a lot less fun than the other options.
