B is for... Brothers

When I found out that I was going to be raising not one but two boys, I had no idea what their relationship would be like.  After all, I had a sister.  I didn't know how brothers interacted.  I mean, yeah, I had two step-brothers, but they were both older than me and didn't get along too well.  So what would my boys end up being to each other?  Would Teddy be jealous of Pete?  Would Pete think his big brother was a jerk?  Would they be in each others pockets all the time?  I just didn't know. 
After four and a half years, I think that they're going to be good brothers to one another.  Oh, they don't get along all the time.  I don't think any siblings ever did.  But when I see the two of them together, I have no doubts that "brother" means something special to each of them.  And, honestly, I should have known from the beginning.
From the time Teddy first met Pete in the hospital (and maybe even before, while I was pregnant with him), Teddy loved his little brother.  He would proudly point to Pete and tell everyone we met, "That's my little brother, Peter."  He wanted to teach him things, like how to play with his toys or how to jump.  He wanted to learn how to feed him, and he wanted to read him stories.  When we would stop at Kroger, he would go to the bakery and ask for "a cookie for me and my baby brother, Peter."  He adored him.

And it hasn't changed as he's gotten older.  He loves to teach Pete how to do things.  He'll sit with him and read him stories.  He'll try to teach him how to play Pokemon.  He'll help him on the Wii or play pretend with him.  He takes being a big brother seriously, though their play is rarely serious.  He tries to guide him, teach him, and be what he thinks a big brother needs to be while still being who he is.
And Pete worships Teddy.  From the time he could crawl, he would follow his brother around.  Everything that Teddy has been interested in, Pete has followed with interest of his own.  When Teddy was into super heroes, Pete had his favorites.  Since Teddy has been into Pokemon, Pete has learned from him the different types, their moves, their strengths and weaknesses.  Pete's saddest day was when Teddy started kindergarten and they had to be apart all day long.  He can't wait until Teddy is home from school each day and wants to tell his brother everything he missed.  And he wants to spend every minute with him, if only Teddy would let him.
They each look out for the other one.  So often, Teddy will help Pete with something he can't get quite right. So often, Pete will get an extra candy when we're out so he can give it to Teddy.  Teddy will slow down so he'll let Pete "win" when they're racing each other to the mailbox.  Pete will wait until Teddy gets to him so they can tie.  
This isn't to say that they never fight.  Because they do.  Regularly.  Teddy will want alone time when Pete wants to play with him.  Pete will get angry because Teddy has something he wants.  One or both of them will come crying because they've hit one another (and Pete, for all that he's the tinier one, hits the hardest).  They fight and argue over who's turn it is to do something.  But fighting is part of growing up, and it's part of family.  I've always said that if you can fight and make up, that's the true test of love.  Because it means that you aren't afraid to let your true feelings be known.  And I see that in my boys all the time - fighting and making up.
I've always loved the song "Brotherly Love" by Keith Whitley and Earl Thomas Conley.  But it never meant as much to me as it does know that I have my own pair of brothers that I'm getting to watch grow up together.

Daily Challenge - Make a "Toy Jail" Along with Bail Chores for the Boys

Well, it took me most of the day to get around to finally finish my daily challenge for today

Make a "Toy Jail" Along with Bail Chores for the Boys

This is an idea I'd seen around, particularly on Pintrest.  I'd started the idea by putting aside a storage bin that would become the jail, thinking that I'd get the bail chores written up "soon".  But every time I sat down to think about these chores, I didn't have any good ideas for what to add in them.  And, of course, when I went back to look in the various things I'd pinned, nothing was jumping out at me as the right thing. But I've gotten so tired of cleaning up after boys that are old enough to clean up after themselves!  So it seemed like the perfect thing to challenge myself with.

First, I looked around to see what I could find to add to the chores.  I started with a link I'd found on Pintrest that lead me to Just Another Day in Paradise with the toy jail she'd come up with.  And while I liked some of her chores (and the fact that she had a printable for it), not all of them fit for us.  I had a bunch of scrap paper strips that I'd picked up when I thought I might actually scrapbook some day and figured that these could be cut perfectly into chore slips for this project.  I wanted more ideas than what I could pull from this wonderful blog, though.  So I went to Google and looked around to see what I could find. My gold mine (and something I may use later when the boys start getting on the band wagon of chores done together being an easier thing than Mommy having to nag) was the .pdf and tutorial I found at Whatever Dee-Dee Wants, She's Gonna Get It.  She uses a chore jar and the has the .pdf printable to put the chores onto popsicle sticks and then into a can to chose from.  There's also plenty of blanks for you to create your own.

Between the two of them, I came up with 20 different possible chores to put into the envelope.  The only one that got nixed by Rich was the running up and down the stairs.  19 possibilities aren't bad.  Particularly when I know that some of them, we'll have to teach them how to do.

All the strips of paper, scanned for your viewing pleasure.

The next thing I wanted to come up with was something to put on the outside of the envelope.  For all that I liked what Larissa posted on her post at Just Another Day in Paradise, I wanted to see if I could come up with one myself.  So after a lot of thought, I came up with a little poem and an reminder.  I'm not expecting them to read it every day, I don't want them coming back and saying, "You never told me that!"  It's a cute little poem, if I do say so myself.

So now the only thing left to do is figure out the easiest way to attach it to the bin and start enforcing!  But we're further along now than we were yesterday.

What am I challenging myself to tomorrow?  Well, I don't play with my kids nearly often enough.  So my challenge to myself tomorrow is

Play a board game with my kids

I know that I've got a busy weekend ahead, but I think we can carve out time for a game of something with them, don't you?

Follow Friday Four Fill-in Fun

1. When I watch sad episodes of shows I cry.  I'm far too emotional.  During Torchwood, when Owen and Tosh died, I sobbed for an hour.  On Doctor Who, when Amy and Rory were transported back in time, I bawled.  When I was pregnant with Teddy, I watched an episode of ER that involved the death of a pregnant mom and I called Rich in tears because it pulled at every heart string. I'm a sap.
2. It is pretty funny that my eldest son complains about my younger son hurting him more than the other way around.  First, let me say that neither of my sons are bullies.  They're boys and usually the complaints come when they're horsing around.  But why it's funny is that Teddy is almost 7 and is heavy.  He is twice the weight of Pete.  Pete, on the other hand, is 4 and is just now getting into 3T clothes.  He's a slip of a thing.  Yet he's definitely the aggressor.  Am I a bad mom for being amused by this?
3. It may be strange but I love the smell of chlorinated pools.  I will purposefully walk by pools just to smell it.
4. How my boys made me laugh: Ok, they do this fairly regularly.  But these are two from this week.  Teddy: We were driving to pick Rich up from work yesterday and Pete had his window down.  Both Teddy and I were getting cold and I asked Pete if I could put it up.  When Pete said no, Teddy told him, "Well, Mommy gets two vote and I get one.  So that's 3 to 1 and you're out voted.  Your window's going UP!"  I tried to hold back the laughter as I put up the window.  Pete: Pete constantly explains everything he does with "'Cause I'm a boy scientist!"  Yesterday, he was walking to Parents' Day Out carrying his Plo' (pillow), and told me that he was carrying it while I was carrying everything else because, "I'm a boy scientist, and only boy scientists know the right way to hold plo's."  They crack me up!

Do you want to take part in Follow Friday Four Fill-In Fun?  Then answer these questions on your own blog, then head over here to link up!

Writer's Workshop: Not the gift I expected

Now that Christmas is over, I'm ready to jump back into blogging and participating in some of my favorite weekly memes.  Today, I'm starting with Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop.  You can find the prompts here.  I chose the third prompt this week.
Score!  What gift is your child most excited about receiving this year?
Most of the gifts the boys received this year came from their Nonni and Pop, since we had less money than usual for shopping this year.  I knew some of what they were getting from my in-laws and, of course, I knew what we were getting them.  I also had a pretty good idea what were going to be the big hits for them.  But reality never quite meshes with what happens in my head.
Ever since the game came out, Teddy's been excited about getting Pokemon White 2.  Normally, we pre-order all the Pokemon games when they come out, but the finances didn't let that happen.  So when my mother-in-law asked for ideas for the boys, I knew that would be at the top of the list. When she told me that had been one of her purchases, I knew we'd have a winner.
And yes, he was very excited about it.  He refused to let go of it as he continued opening the rest of the gifts and he's been playing it whenever he's had down time.  But the surprise for me came a little earlier in the morning, when he saw his stocking.
Rich found a few stuffed Pokemon online and ordered them.  They were smaller, about perfect to stick out of the top of the stocking.  We picked the boys' favorite Pokemon and had them waiting, on top of one of the other gifts from "Santa" (I'll explain that bit in a few paragraphs.))  I went downstairs first in the morning so I could get video of them coming downstairs. I had the video camera running from the time they came off the stairs and I followed them to the tree.  I couldn't see Teddy's eyes when he saw his stocking, but I can imagine his eyes opening wide.  His squeal of delight when he saw the eevee we'd put in his stocking was priceless.  He turned around, dancing the eevee and singing, "I got an eevee!  I got an eevee!"  (or something to that effect.)  I wasn't expecting that much excitement from a boy who already has a bunch of stuffed Pokemon.  But I'm glad Mommy and Daddy (even in the guise of Santa) managed at least one hit under the stocking.
For Pete, he's constantly saying that he's a boy scientist.  It explains everything he does.  If he jumps over cracks in the sidewalk, it's because he's a boy scientist.  If he climbs a tree, it's because he's a boy scientist.  Heck, if he goes to the potty, it's because he's a boy scientist!  So one of the suggestions I gave to my mother-in-law was science-related things.  You've seen them.  The kits from Discover or Smithsonian.  The kits that have little goggles or little test tubes.  I knew that he'd love anything like that.  So she found a Little Scientist kit that has the test tubes, goggles, experiments, etc.  I knew it was going to be a hit.  And it was.  But just like with Teddy, something "Santa" left under the tree was just as exciting for him as the wrapped presents.
One day, a couple years ago, I found a red bean bag on clearance at Wal-Mart.  Score!  I bought it for the boys and it's been the "seat" in their bedroom ever since.  But the problem with Pete getting older and coming into his own is that they both want to sit on the bean bag chair.  And that doesn't work well.  So for Christmas, we decided to pick up two new bean bags (since the old one was pretty close to flat).  I ordered them through Wal-Mart for site-to-store pick up and was ready to put them under the tree.  Blue for Pete, orange for Teddy (since they didn't have yellow).*
I set up the two bean bags in front of the tree and nestled their stockings on top, their Pokemon Pets peeking out.  Each of the boys had forgotten one of their usual night time "friends" so I added them to the bean bag as well, as though Santa had seen them and knew how important they were to the boys so he gave them a special spot.  (And if I'd been thinking, I would have included a note next to the eaten cookies and milk.)
The next morning, Pete was a few steps behind Teddy and the same excitement was in his voice at the sight of the bean bag chair as Teddy's with the eevee.  "We got bean bag chairs!  Teddy, we got bean bag chairs!"  Score another one for Mommy and Daddy Santa!  Of course, opening his stocking also showed a little more excitement when he realized Santa left him Pokemon cards.  We didn't pull anything exciting from the cards, but it was nice to see him excited about a few things.
And if you don't believe the excitement, you can take a look at this video:

* For the sports fans in the audience, YES, I know these are Gator colors. NO, I didn't do it on purpose.  I'm a Noles fan through and through.  I didn't put together the fact that I'd bought Gator colors until my Dad, a Gator fan (as is my whole family - I'm the only one with any sense. ;)) pointed it out.

Thinking About Sandy Hook

Friday morning, I was sitting in the gym at Pete's PDO, waiting for their Christmas play to start.  My dad was next to me, checking a ding on his phone when he told me that there had been another school shooting.  My heart broke, but it wasn't in the forefront of my mind.  As sad as it was, I was sure that it was another bullied or disturbed student taking it out on his classmates.  I put the thought of it to the back of my mind, sat back and enjoyed enjoyed watching my little goofball hop across the stage and moo as a dove.  (Yeah, my son is a ham.  It's one of the reasons I love him.)

I didn't find out even the main details until several hours later, after doing some Christmas shopping, enjoying lunch with my dad and having a nice chat with him.  It was then that I sat down at the computer and the full force of what had happened hit me.  It wasn't high schoolers or even middle schoolers but a shooting in an elementary school.  The number of dead was staggering.  The fact that 2/3rd of them were children hit even more.

I wanted to drive to Teddy's school and bring him home.  I wanted to hold him and never let him out of my sight again.  Because these children - every single one of them - were first graders.  They were all the same age as my oldest child, the one that left me for 8 hours every day, who I need to trust in others to keep safe. Visions of him lying dead in his classroom refused to leave my eyes.  And if I had my van, instead of lending it to my father, I would have driven there to get him, sprained foot or not.  Because I needed my son.  But I also knew that it was my fear instinct kicking in and that he would be safe in his school.

Over the weekend, I hugged him more than I think he's ever been hugged in a 62 hour period.  I'd told him what had happened when he got home from school on Friday, so he knew why the hugs were happening and hugged me back.  He's a pretty good kid when it comes to that.  I half-joked with him that I would never let him go to school again because I wanted him home with me all the time.  He told me that he needed to go because he wanted to learn more than I could teach him.  And while that small part of me wanted to keep him here always, there was the other part of me that knew that, if he couldn't be with me, his school was the safest and best place he could be.

I've cried a lot over the last several days, and I still am.  I let things affect me too deeply sometimes.  After September 11, 2001, I had the hardest time walking to work, passing all the signs of the missing.  For awhile, I was forbidden from picking up the paper by my boyfriend because it made me sob.  I couldn't help it, though.  I felt like I needed to read these stories to honor those whose lives were lost.  And it's the same thing now.  I don't want to look at pictures of these kids, kids at the same point in their lives as Teddy and his friends.  But I feel like I have to.  That looking away is dishonoring them in some way.  So I read the stories and I look at the pictures and I sob and, once again, want to grab Teddy and never let him out of my sight.  And I alternately wish I didn't feel so deeply and am glad that I do.

The debate about whether firearms should be banned brings thoughts of the tragedy at Stamford, CT at the beginning of Marvel's Civil War storyline.  In it, there are a team of supers that are part of a reality show.  While they are chasing down some supervillains, one of the villains, Nitro, lets off a huge nuclear explosion that leaves 600 dead, including 60 children (since the fight happened outside a school).  It was used as a huge push to register supers, requiring them to take off their masks and either work for the government or hang up their spandex.  Tony Stark, struck very deeply by the deaths, fights for registration.  Captain America believes that the registration act is wrong and fights against it.  And the supers of the USA break into a Civil War because of it.  The similarities between this fictional story line and what happened at Sandy Hook cause me to shudder. Not just the extreme loss of life, but the push by some to make a change in what they see as the problem - guns.  How deeply this seems to be affecting most of the nation.  And my thoughts continue to run in the same way - regulating supers, or banishing guns, won't help eradicate the problem.  Because it's not the law-abiding people that are the problem, but the ones that don't care for the laws anyway. I'd rather see a change in the way people view those with mental health problems and the ease with which people should be able to get help.  But that will be as much of a fight, I'm afraid, as those wanting to get rid of guns all together.

Nothing is going to be able to bring these children, these teachers, back to us.  And, sadly, nothing is going to prevent something like this from ever happening again.  But that doesn't mean that I'm going to put this in my rear-view mirror and pretend it hasn't affected me.  Honestly, I don't know anyone that it hasn't affected. And I wish I could do more for these families than say, "I am so sorry.  You and yours are in my thoughts."  I wish I could do more for the world beyond have my thoughts and opinions.  I wish I could do more to balance keeping my child safe and letting him live a full life.  I wish I was all powerful.

But I'm not, and I can't.  All I can do is remember and honor.  And hug my boys tight one more time.

Best Friends Don't Have to be Human

When I was pregnant with Teddy, my step-mom took me shopping for fabric so she could make pillows and blankets for the baby.  One of the pieces of fabric we picked out was a soft blue flannel with pale yellow moons and stars on it.  From that piece of material, she made a small body pillow, a small pillow and a blanket.  There were other things as well, but none of them have been as important in our lives as these three items.

At various times when he was old enough to move around well on his own, we'd put different pillows and blankets in his bed for him to sleep with.  And it wasn't long before he had a favorite - the body pillow.  Every night, he'd snuggle up with it, holding it tight.  We didn't think much of even that until one night, when the pillow was on the floor, he started crying "Bodie!  Bodie!"  We had no idea what he was talking about until we realized where he was pointing - right at the pillow.  As soon as we handed it to him, he calmed down and fell asleep.

From that point forward, Bodie was Teddy's constant companion.  He came to the store with us, to the park, walking over to get the mail.... it didn't matter.  If Teddy was coming somewhere, so was Bodie.  Only once did we make the mistake of leaving Bodie behind - on a long-weekend trip to visit our family in the Northeast.  About an hour into our drive, Teddy told us he'd forgotten Bodie.  We didn't want to turn around and go back because we were half way to Knoxville by then, so we told him that Bodie would be ok at home and he'd be ok without Bodie.  Um... wrong.  The trip wasn't bad, but stopping for the night and trying to get him to sleep.... miserable.  From that point forward, we always double checked on Bodie.

As he got older, he'd tell us little things about Bodie.  Bodie was afraid of the dark.  He didn't like to lie a certain way.  He got really lonely if he needed to be left in the car for any reason.  Bodie was as real to Teddy as any flesh and blood friend.  Actually, I shouldn't say "was", because he is still that real to Teddy.  While he doesn't bring him to school, he needs to have him to sleep with every night and between a quarter and half the time we go somewhere, Teddy asks if he can bring Bodie.  Because he's still Teddy's best friend.

You can see Bodie, clutched in Teddy's hand while he sleeps with his other friends, LadyBug and Piplup.

A few months before my step-mom passed away, she noticed how worn Teddy's best friend was getting.  We'd had to repair him a couple times, the stuffing was bunching at the two ends from Teddy holding Bodie in the middle.  She asked me to bring the blanket to her and she'd make a second Bodie.  This way, if anything happened to the first one, he could have another nearby.  It turned out there wasn't enough fabric in the blanket to make a new body pillow, so she made two larger sized head pillows instead.  I don't know if she had a sense that these pillows would be as important as Bodie or not, but on the corner of one of the pillows she left a tag that reads, "Made with Love by Grandma".

Teddy was never interested in the two larger pillows, though I made sure to keep them safe, especially after Mom Sue passed away.  It was something that she'd made with love for her grandson.  Maybe Teddy would want that some day, maybe for his own kids.  But Pete had other plans.

I don't even remember how it happened.  Maybe I gave them to Pete.  Maybe he found them.  But just like Teddy with Bodie, he quickly became attached to these two larger pillows.  From the time he got his toddler bed, they needed to be with him every night.  And when he found the little pillow, that needed to be there as well.  And, like with Bodie in the beginning, we thought it was just a pillow preference.  Until he started carrying them around everywhere.  Soon, he told us their names.  One was Mommy Plo, one was Daddy Plo and the little one was Baby Plo.  He could always tell the difference between Mommy and Daddy Plo and was very upset if he asked for one and you brought him the other.  It took me a little while to figure out how to tell the difference - Mommy Plo has the tag on her.

And like Teddy with Bodie, Pete needs his best friends with him.  When he's feeling uncomfortable or shy, nervous or tired, you will often see him with one Plo in his left hand, Baby Plo under his arm, his right thumb in his mouth and the fingers of that hand clutching tightly to the last Plo.  Plo comes out with us to restaurants, to the library, to visit friends - much like Bodie.  And every night, when he goes to sleep, he needs his friends in their places on his bed, right where he can snuggle them.  And if even one is missing, he'll run downstairs to get it.  Because you never leave a friend behind.

Peter, snuggled on the couch with his Spongebob Blanket and his best friend giving him a place to rest.

I often wonder when the boys will leave Bodie and Plo behind.  I'm sure it will happen.  It does with all children.  But I plan on keeping them, even when their friends have gotten to big for such things.  And when their older, I hope they remember them, maybe ask for them back for their own kids.

There is a song on the CD that the boys' listen to at night as their falling asleep that brings a smile to my face every time I heard it.  It's called, "I'm Your Pillow" and it's on Bill Harley's Town Around the Bend.  The song is the pillow, talking about how the child needs to sleep and settle down, maybe turn him over for the cooler underside.  I could imagine my boys' friends having this conversation with them.  But there's once verse that really brings it home, that I am thinking of writing out, framing and putting on their wall because it fits them all perfectly.  Here are the lyrics:

Yeah it's silly
Don't believe it
But I promise you it's true
Lots of people really love you
But your pillow loves you too

One day you'll be all grown up
I'll be nothing, skin and bones
But I helped you to get bigger
Don't forget me when you're grown
     - "I'm Your Pillow" by Bill Harley, (The Town Around the Bend)

And as I hear it,  I know that Bill is singing to them on behalf of Bodie, Mommy Plo, Daddy Plo and Baby Plo.  And it makes me smile.

Friday Fragments

This is the first time I'm participating in this wonderful meme at half-past kissin' time.  (Click on the picture and you'll be taken to her site.)  I've got a lot of fragments running through my mind right now, so this is the perfect time for it.

• When I got out of my funk and started checking out my blog again late yesterday (yep, the mood from Wednesday kinda bubbled over into yesterday too), I found a wonderful surprise.  The wonderful people who host Thirsty for Comments Thursdays (and that would be Acting Balanced, Silver Faeries and Dragonflies, Thoughts 'n Such, Crazed Mama and Touristic) honored me my making Sanity's Overrated the featured blog for the day/week.  They even linked me up in the top link-up spot.  Thank you, guys.  You really helped turn my mood around with that!
  
• Yesterday, we got news that relieved a little of my stress.  University of Phoenix offered my husband another class.  He's been working for them as a second job for the last couple of years.  It's been pretty steady work, giving him a 5 week class or two to teach pretty close to constantly.  But for some reason, the last couple months have dried up.  He had one class through September, but nothing new seemed to be on the horizon.  Now it is.  And today, he got another class to start around the end of the time of the one from yesterday.  It's taking a HUGE weight off my mind.
• I had a DUH moment the other day.  I was coming into the living room where the boys were watching the pilot episode of Planet Sheen. There was a seen where Sheen was introducing the king of the planet he crash-landed on to the monkey (who is far more intelligent than Sheen, but then, who isn't?) that had crashed there many years before.  He said something like, "This is Nesmith.  He's a monkey, but we call him an ape."  And it was only then that I put together those two facts along with the fact that Nesmith wore a wool hat to realize the homage that was being paid (for those that may not catch it either, Mike Nesmith was a member of The Monkees and he wore a signature wool hat in the show).  And I could have slapped myself for it.  I've been a big fan of the Monkees since the mid-80s when they did their first reunion tour, and I missed this completely obvious reference.  And I don't have the excuse of it being the first time I watched the show.  No.  I've seen, in part or in whole, at least a dozen episodes where the info was right in front of my face.  Yeah.  Sometimes I'm a little slow.
• I took a big step last Sunday and played a few games of Pokemon with people that were NOT in my family.  It wasn't as scary as I thought it would be.  I may do the same on Sunday... or I may shop at Goodwill for Halloween Costumes.
• Speaking of Halloween, I wish my boys would make up their minds.  First Teddy wanted to be the Hulk.  Now he wants to be Ash from Pokemon.  I'm actually ok with him being Ash because I've got a lot of the things for that already.  Though now he's talking about being one of the gym leaders.  Pete keeps bouncing between Pikachu (which would be easiest because, unlike Teddy, he still fits in last year's costume), Panpour and Tepig. I told them they needs to make up their minds this weekend.  I'm going to Goodwill to look for things to make their costumes on Sunday.
• I'm catching another cold.  Or maybe the same one wasn't as dormant as I thought.  I'd gotten over the scratchy throat, the stuffy nose and the cough sometime in the middle of me getting the flu.  But last night, the stuffy nose came back and this morning, the scratchy throat is.  Time to start pounding the zinc!
• I'm so grateful that the boys have found a love for Pokemon.  While it does often get tiring to hear about Pokemon constantly, they've found a great community in our local league, with everyone being supportive of everyone else.  And they're also learning the right way to act when a game is over, with a handshake and a "good game".  It amazes me when I hear the two of them playing a game in the other room and then, without prompting, I heard, "Good game."  And not just from Teddy, but Peter too.  Now if I can get them to work that attitude into the rest of their lives....
• I'm thinking of starting a weekly meme.  Just a fun little thing to do and, hopefully, get others to join in the fun.  I was going to start it today (it will be called, tentatively "Friday Favorites") but I haven't had a chance to build a button for people to snag for the hopping.  So I'm hoping next week will be a little calmer, both in terms of stress levels and things I need to do.  But watch this space for a new meme!
• Finally, I had to buy a webcam today for something Rich needed it for,  It's the first one I've had in... probably 5 years or so.  It's so much smaller than I'm used to!  But I am hoping that, having it hooked up to the desktop, I may be able to start doing some vlogging once in awhile too.

Thanks for stopping by and reading the fragments of my mind.  If you're interested in more fragments, head on over!

B is for.... Boys

Long time readers of my blog know that I have two sons that are both my pride and joy and the ultimate source of my frustration.  (I know, I know.  I'm no different than any other parent out there.) But, hopefully, there will be some new readers coming over from the Challenge that don't know as much about me.  So I'm going to give you a glimpse of my boys (mostly in pictures).

Teddy (Theadore) is my oldest.  He turned 6 in February and started school last year.  He can be a bit of a goofball, and loves to ham it up for the camera.  He's got a great sense of humor, a big heart and a love of helping others (most of the time).  We have our problems, of course - he has my temper and an inability to be patient. He likes to throw things when he's angry and argues constantly when he doesn't get his way.  But the bad times are far out numbered by the good.

Teddy is also a huge Pokemon fan.  It started with the handheld games, watching Mommy and Daddy play them on the computer or the DS.  It wasn't long before he knew all the Pokemon, their strengths and weaknesses and their stats. He collected stuffed Pokemon, Pokemon figurines, Pokemon toys and, more recently, Pokemon cards.  He's really gotten into the trading card game and goes to a local league every Sunday. He played in the Tennessee State tournament a few weeks ago and, while he didn't place, he did have a great time.  And that's what matters at this age.

"But isn't he too young to play Pokemon?" I hear some of you ask.  "After all, he can't read the big words on the cards."  And that would be an easy misunderstanding to make.  But an incorrect one.  Teddy is a fantastic reader, reading somewhere along 4th grade level while he's in kindergarten.  He started reading at around 2 1/2 and by the time he was four, he was blowing away his Parents' Day Out teacher with his ability to read.  He's blown away his kindergarten teachers as well.  He's started reading comic books and chapter books on his own. He's just as likely to have a book in his hand as he is to have his DS.  And I couldn't be prouder.

Something else that I'm proud of is his love for his brother.  sure, they fight.  What siblings don't, particularly when they're younger?  But Teddy looks out for Pete, tries to protect him, plays games with him and gives him hugs.  He loves to teach his little brother things - pointing out numbers and letters of the alphabet, passing along his incredibly knowledge of Pokemon (which Pete just laps up), reading to him and explaining things to him.  He's a fantastic little brother.

But regardless of how much bigger he's getting, how much older he is, he's still my baby.  He still snuggles up with his Bodie (the body pillow that my step-mom made for him when he was a baby), Piplup (his favorite stuffed Pokemon) and needs to be covered by his Backyardigans blanket.  I love to watch him sleep so peacefully, remembering the baby that he once was.

Peter turned 3 in September.  He alternately makes me laugh and fills me with dread - my boy is a daredevil!  He'll climb anything, run as fast as he can and dart through small spaces.  He's given me more than one heart attack.  The laughter, though, is what makes my day.  He loves to say silly things or make silly faces.  And he's at the age where he doesn't understand things as well, so he will say something that isn't quite right or make a comment to something I say and the way he does it is funny.  Like when his teacher told him to hold his horses, he told her he doesn't have any horses.  He loves to bring a smile to everyone's faces.

He's still Mommy's Boy.... well, until Daddy's home on the weekends.  Then it's "I want to sit next to Daddy! I want Daddy to get me out of my car seat!"  But that's ok, because the rest of the week, he's all about Mommy.  He gives wonderful hugs and kisses, snuggling in my lap with his thumb in his mouth and his plo (his name for his pillow) in his other arm.  He thinks I know everything, so I often hear, "Mommy, what dat?"  He's a sponge that wants to learn everything and wants Mommy to teach him.

His love of his big brother borders on hero worship.  Wherever Teddy is, Pete wants to be there.  He'll sit next to him and watch him play games on his DS.  He wants to go to League with Teddy so he can watch him play.  So often, he'll call out, "Teddy!  Come here!  I gotsta show you somedin!"  And honestly, he couldn't have a better role model.  Though, I'm sad to say, he has his brother's and his mother's temper as well, hitting either of us when he gets angry.  But he always apologies to either of us when he does it.  Because he knows that it's right.  And he doesn't want Teddy mad at him because he might not play Pokemon Battle with him!

While he's following in Teddy's footsteps by loving Pokemon, his real passion right now is dinosaurs.  He wants me to turn on shows about dinosaurs (Dino Squad on Netflix and Dinosaur Train on PBS are his two favorites).  He pretends to be a "twitedatop" (triceratops) and a T-rex and asks me or Teddy to be another dinosaur.  He has dinosaur books that he loves to read and any time he sees anything with a dinosaur, he has to point it out.  It's a good thing to be into at 3.

Like his brother, Peter will always be my baby.  I'll always remember holding him in my arms, keeping him close to my body as he slept.  I'll always remember moments like the one above, thumb in his mouth and his ploes keeping him company.  I'll always remember the "Mommy, help" moments.  Right now, he argues with me every time I call him "baby".  He's not a baby, he's a boy, he'll emphatically insist.  And yes, he is a boy.  With bumps and bruises and bug-bites.  But that doesn't make him any less my baby.  And that is something that will never change.

Me and my boys

The List Challenge: Day 16

This is another one that could have lists a mile long!  But I'll try to keep the lists for this day of the List Challenge a bit shorter.  Today, I'll tell you about...

The Cutest Things My Kids Ever Said

• "I love you in the whole wide world!" Teddy, on a daily basis.
• "Teddy my best friend." Peter, on a daily basis.
• "Poliwag, come out and save the day. Use water gun!" Peter, who is taking on his big brother's obsession with Pokemon
• "I don't need help! I can do it by myself!" Bittersweet, actually.  I've heard it from both of us.
• "Mommy, you're BEAUTIFUL!" Teddy tells me this pretty regularly.
• "It's ok, Mommy.  Everybody makes mistakes."  Teddy said this to me when I was feeling pretty bad one day.
• "You need kisses on me, Teddy." Peter, just now, when Teddy accidentally hurt him.
• "Kiss him blue parts?" Peter, earlier today when he wanted me to kiss his Papa Smurf.

There are more.  A lot more.  I know there are.  But right now, I have little brain for it.  I may update this later, if I can think of any more.... or if I have people remind me of a few more!

Today has been a day of sleeping children

At least, sleeping children on ME.

First, I was watching my friend's children while she went to a doctor's appointment.  Her youngest (who just turned 3) started crying for some unknown reason and it took forever to get him calmed down.  The only way he'd finally calm down was snuggled against me, sucking his thumb and, finally, falling asleep.  Eventually, I was able to transfer him from being snuggled on my lap to being snuggled on the couch and, finally, sleeping on his own on the couch.

Then, this evening, Pete was having a Sad Baby night.  (I blame it on the fact that he never napped.)  He snuggled on my lap while I was playing some FB games and the next thing I knew, he was fast asleep on my shoulder.  I was able to get him upstairs and into his bed with him only 1/2 waking near the end.  He's happily snuggled in his bed an hour and a half before his usual bedtime.  It may mean that he's going to be up earlier tomorrow, but maybe not.  The lack of nap today will probably make up for a lot of things.

PYHO: My Birthing Stories

Yesterday, I was directed to a post on Life as 5 about birth wars.  Lindsay wrote a fantastic post regarding the birth wars that happen between a lot of Moms.  I agreed with her whole heartedly.  Why does it matter how you gave birth?  You still have your child to love and cherish at the end of the day.

Someone came in and said that, to her, it did matter.  And in her mind, there is a different outcome when a woman puts the time and effort into the birth.  She was very respectful of it, and she did state that it was her opinion.  I have no problems with how she presented it, or the fact that it was presented.  Everyone has opinions.  But the comment about there being a different outcome when a woman puts time and effort into the birth really did bother me.

I commented.  I tried to be just as respectful in my reply as she had been in her original comment.  But it did bother me and I had to speak up. Because I don't think that my understanding of how important a responsibility is different because I had c-sections than if I had both boys naturally with no epidural, or water birthed, or any other way in which they were pushed through the canal.

With Teddy, I had planned to give birth vaginally.  I waited until my water broke at 2 in the morning.  I was feeling the contractions.  We went to the hospital through light snow and got set up in the LDR room.  They put in the epidural while Rich was setting up the laptop with my "Music to Give Birth By" playlist that I'd created.  Then I laid down in the hospital bed and held his hand to help me through some of the worst of the contractions.

At one point, my epidural ran out and the pain was incredible.  I had an anesthesiologist in my room for the remainder of my stay there.  And for six hours, I was dilated at 9 cm.  I would not progress past that.  The contractions were getting worse, but my body wasn't letting me do what was needed to have the baby.  They gave me a different pain med through my IV, and a short time later, my doctor came in and suggested that we do a C-Section.  I said yes.

I don't remember much of the C-Section.  The drug they gave me made me incredibly loopy.  I know more from what Rich told me - like Teddy looked like a cream cheese covered grape when Dr. Rush showed him to us.  Like Dr. Rush's comment that Teddy wasn't a baby, he was a 2 year old (8 lbs, 2 oz, 21 in.)  Like Rich continually moving his chair so he could check on both me and Teddy.  Like the fact that my bleeding wasn't stopping and they had to give me another shot to try to get my blood to clot a little better.  But I do remember being wheeled back to recovery, getting a little sick, and eventually being wheeled to my room.  And I remember the first time I held Teddy, and how we both had to figure out how this nursing thing went.  I remember holding him and looking at him with complete wonder.  Here was the life that came into being because of Rich and I.  Here was the life that I'd felt grow inside of me for the previous 9 months.  And here was the life that I, somehow, had to guide to adulthood.  I was ready for the challenge, but Gods, was I scared!

We found out later that the reason I wasn't dilating further was that I have a small amount of scar tissue on my cervix.  When I was younger, I had several abnormal paps come back and I went through colpo, cryo and LEEP.  There wasn't a lot of scar tissue there, but there was enough that it probably wouldn't work if I tried vaginal birth again.

So when I was pregnant with Pete, I scheduled my C-Section.  I knew that it was going to be the best way to get him into this world.  Even if he came early, he would be delivered by C-Section.  He waited until the day of the scheduled C-Section, and even then was pretty secure inside of me.  Rich and I arrived at the hospital and got ready.  Rich was putting on his gown while they wheeled me into the OR.  There, they tried to put the epidural in.  But, thanks to back surgery 4 years previous (yes, before Teddy), there was too much scar tissue in my back to allow them to get it placed correctly.  I don't know if they got lucky with Teddy or if I'd had more scar tissue build up in the intervening 2 1/2 years, but it wasn't working.  Even the attempt to put it in was painful.  I finally realized that I needed to be fully sedated.

It wasn't too long after I woke up and was back in my room that they brought Peter to me.  He was a little tomato - face bright red from screaming.  He hated being out in this world and he let everyone know it!  He wasn't the same happy baby that Teddy had been.  But it didn't matter.  He was mine and he was special.  I snuggled him close to me, bared my breast and let him start eating.

The only regrets that I have were that I don't remember either child's birth.  I would have liked to remember seeing them within seconds of them entering the world.  But I don't.  And I don't think that makes me feel any less responsible for them.  Because they are my boys and I brought them into this world - even if it was with the help of pain meds and out through my abdomen rather than my vagina.

On top of that, there are all the things that they taught me before they ever took their first birth.

I learned joy with both of them.  I remember the first time I felt Teddy kick inside of me.  I remember seeing the ultra sound and finding out we were having a boy.  I remember placing my hand on my stomach with Pete, feeling him moving around.  It was a wonder.

I learned frustration with both of them.  Teddy would kick any time I even thought the word "kick".  It was cute the first couple of times, but when I was thinking, "Baby, please stop kicking.  Mommy needs some sleep!" and he kicked harder, it wasn't so cute.  Peter would put his feet up between my ribs.  Gods, it was THE most uncomfortable feeling in the world.  I wanted to be able to reach in and move him a bit so I could be comfortable.  But knowing my headstrong child, he would have moved right back into the position that was least comfortable for me.

I learned fear with both of them.  

With Teddy, there had been one day, in my 7th month, when I didn't feel him kicking.  It scared me to death.  I called the doctor and was told to drink something sugary and count the kicks.  She'd call back in a couple hours.  So I went to the store, bought a Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr Pepper (yeah, that was my mistake.... but I wasn't thinking), drank it while running some errands and became more and more afraid as the kicks didn't increase in frequency.  They set me up for an ultra sound and Rich came rushing home to drive me there. 

Teddy had been fine.  Between drinking something without sugar (stupid diet drink) and the fact that I had a lot of fluid, it was more that I wasn't feeling them than he wasn't kicking.  He was still fine.  And so was I.

With Peter, there were worried from the beginning.  I didn't even know I was pregnant with him when I was pregnant with him.  I'd had my period for a week, which was odd for me because I usually went for 3 or 4 days.  And then I was starting to have back pain.  Some friends worried that I may have had an ectopic pregnancy, so I called the doctor on call (it was a Saturday) and was told to go to the ER.  They drew blood, did an ultra sound, and everything else to see what the problem was.  And found out that I was either very newly pregnant or had just miscarried.  My HCG levels were that low.  It started a round of trips to the doctor for blood draws so they could monitor my HCG levels.  I know it was early days, but I did NOT want to lose this baby. I was already attached to him.

For the first several months of my pregnancy, we had to keep a close eye on me and the baby.  Eventually, we didn't have to be as vigilant.  But I was always worried with him that something was going to happen and I'd lose him, because of those first few weeks.

Those incidents, more so than any way I could have given birth, taught me what I needed to know to be a mom.  Because that's where I first learned unconditional love, continuing frustration, and mortal fear.  And those three emotions, more than any others, are the ones I feel regularly with my boys.

I is for... Innocence, A to Z Challenge

I've lived for 37 years.  37 years of hope and disappointment, lessons in kindness and cruelty.  37 years to learn to be an adult and to take everything with a grain of salt.  37 years has taught me a lot.  But it's my 2 and 5 year olds that remind me of what I'd forgotten.  That there is wonder around you, if you can only remember the innocence that lets you see it.
Innocence makes fast friends on the playground.  Not necessarily friends for life, but friends for a few hours.  And that's all that you need sometimes.  Someone to enjoy yourself with, to run and play with, that makes your life better even if only for an afternoon.
Innocence sees the wonder in the world around you.  Everything gives you an opportunity to see something new, something you'd never considered before.
Innocence teaches you that every day is a new day, ready to begin again.  Yesterday doesn't matter any longer.  It's gone.  Tomorrow is so far away.  So you need to enjoy the now.
Innocence opens you to simplicity.  Nothing is complicated.  Friends are friends.  Going to the park is fun.  Walking around the grocery store means you meet new people.  Life is black or white with no grays lurking to catch you.  Life is what it is and you don't need to over think it.
Being a parent, I have to live in the gray times sometimes.  I have to remember the hard lessons.  But I don't have to let them rule me.  Keep them in the back of my mind, and look at the world through my children's eyes.  It makes me happier in the long run when I do so.

Pour Your Heart Out: Self perceptions and parenting

Almost every time I go into a store with my children, screaming and yelling ensues.  

Teddy will throw a fit because I don't let him get something he wants or do something he wants to do.  He'll try to stand in front of my cart and push it in the direction he wants me to go.  He'll yell at me and hit me.  I'll try to talk to him, but he's usually anger locked.  There've been a few times when I've had to put him into the basket of the cart as punishment.  Then I have to fight to keep him in.

Or Peter will decide he can't stay near me when I let him walk rather than ride in a cart.  He runs around corners, hides under clothes racks, climbs on shelves... all the things that I continually tell him NOT to do.  And when I get fed up warning him and telling him to stop running everywhere, I put him in the cart.  I have to buckle him in very tightly because otherwise he WILL stand up and he WILL try to get out of the cart on his own.  And that's when the high pitched, full voice screams start.  The ones that I'm convinced the whole store can hear.

And as I walk through the store, with either Teddy hitting me and trying to force me to do things his way or Peter screaming as though I was putting hot pokers under his fingernails, I feel like everyone in the store is looking at me with disapproval.  "What kind of mother is she to let her kids act that way?"  When they look my direction, I am convinced I can see the contempt in their eyes.  I know that they have to be annoyed with the way my boys are acting - I'm annoyed with the way my boys are acting.

I've had many friends, online and in person, tell me not to go shopping with them.  That they don't "deserve" it and it's better if I wait until I can go on my own.  But I don't WANT to wait until I can be alone to shop.  Not only is it inconvenient for me, because of the hours that Rich works, but I want them to learn what is and is not acceptable ways to act in public.  

The second doesn't seem to be working, though.  And I'm not sure why.  I  never give in to whatever it is they want, until and unless they prove they can behave (for example, if Pete wants to walk, he has to be quiet in the cart for awhile before I'll let him back out of the cart again).  And I'm incredibly consistent with that.  I've tried to talk to them, but usually they're so angry that they don't want to listen. When I try to talk to them later, they SAY they understand, but it happens all over again.  I take things away, but they don't seem to care.  It doesn't matter what punishment I give for bad behavior, or what reward for good behavior, they still act the same way.

Then there are the two things that I do that worry me the most when it comes to how I look in others eyes.  The first is when I ignore their screaming.  Today, when I was in Target with the boys, Pete pulled his usual running everywhere and refusing to come back when I told him.  The third time he ran around the corner at full speed and I had to chase him, I got him, picked him up and put him in the cart.  He tried to climb out, I sat him back down and buckled him in.  And that's when the screaming began.  The screams to wake the dead.  And I ignored it.  I just went about what I was doing, looking at the things I needed to look at, pushing my cart as though I couldn't hear the deafening cries that my child put forth.  But all the while, even though I knew it was the "right" thing to do, I kept wondering if people were looking at me and thinking, "God, can't that bitch shut her kid up?  If I were in her place, I would have left by now!"  And there's really no reason for me to think it, other than my own insecurities.  Because everyone that ever has come up to me when Pete's been upset like this has been understanding and kind.  But I can't help but wonder what the people that AREN'T saying anything are thinking.

The second worry is when I spank them.  If they refuse to behave or listen to what I'm trying to tell them, I warn them that they will be spanked.  If I get to three, I hold the offending child in place and place three quick swats on their bottom.  I don't beat them, I don't hit hard enough to leave a mark.  I hit with just enough force to have a little sting.  And if they correct their behavior before I get to three, no spanking is necessary.  But I sometimes worry that someone is going to call the cops on me for child abuse.  Because there are some that believe that you should never lay a hand on your child, ever.  And I respect that, for them and their children.  But I'm not drawing blood, I'm not making it impossible to sit down - I'm just letting them know that their behavior will not be tolerated.  And usually, it works. But just because it works doesn't mean that someone won't claim I'm abusing my kids and try to have the cops come and take them away.  And I only do the spanking when they're physically not doing what I ask.  Like when Pete refuses to sit down after he's been punished to have to ride in the cart rather than walk, or Teddy keeps trying to run away from me to do what he wants.  It's not my first reaction. It's usually my last resort.

I know that most of my fears during these times are my own worries rearing themselves in my mind.  I know that most people, particularly people with kids or grandkids, know exactly what I'm going through.  But I can't help but worry.  Because I've always wanted acceptance.  And I've always wanted to BE a good Mom.  In times like these, though, I feel like I must be the worst mom in the world.

Naming of my boys

I try to make it a habit to follow the blogs of all the moms in the Mom Pledge as they come up as featured bloggers.  It gives me a chance to get to know each of the bloggers a bit rather than adding all 200 at once and getting overwhelmed.  Today, I got a chance to visit Greta at Not Enough Patience and Never Enough Jewelry!  And one of her posts (that she got from an idea bank on another site) talks about how her kids came to be named what they were.  And it got me thinking that I'd like to share how come my boys have become Teddy and Pete and the stories behind them.

Ever since I was a girl, I knew that if I had a boy, I'd want him to be named after my father.  Dad's got an unusual spelling of his name (thanks to a nurse who didn't know how to spell it, or so the family story goes) and I've always liked it.  Plus, I've always been a Daddy's girl and adored him.  For quite awhile, I didn't think I'd be able to get married or have any kids.  But then I met Rich.  I know that once or twice, we'd talked about kids names while we were dating and I told him that if I ever had a boy, I wanted to name him Theadore.  Everything else was negotiable, but not that one.

When we found out that we were going to have our first child, we had boy and girl names picked out... at least, first names.  If it was a boy, he would be Theadore and if it was a girl, she would be Catherine.  As we talked about middle names, we finally decided on middle names as well.  Theadore would have Rich's family middle name (his paternal grandfather, father and himself all had the same middle name).  If it was a girl, her middle name would be after my maternal grandmother's middle name.  I still remember the day we found out that we'd be having Teddy instead of Catherine.  I think I cried tears of joy.

And, just like his grandfather, he's been Teddy from the beginning.  When we're with my dad, we sometimes need to differentiate Big Teddy and Little Teddy.  Though right now, Teddy's going through a phase where he tells everyone, "My name's Teddy but that's just a nickname.  My real name is Theadore."  (And then Pete repeats, "Hith name ith Thedoor."  It's cute.)

When we got pregnant the second time, we had the girls name from the previous go round (though I'd changed what I wanted the middle name to be, so I could honor a friend that had passed away).  There was quite a bit of discussion when it came to choosing a boys name for the second child.  Rich wanted Peter, after his grandfather.  I just imagined the horrid amounts of teasing that my poor child would endure when they realized what Peter was slang for.  I was very adamant that he would NOT be named Peter.  I actually wanted the name Galen, but Rich refused to have him share a name with a fictional technomage, no matter how many times I told him that I just liked the name.

Right before we were supposed to find out the gender of our second child, Rich's grandfather passed away.  We would be leaving soon after the ultrasound to head to Pennsylvania for the funeral.  We went in for the ultrasound and, while I'd been hoping for a girl, when they told me that we were having a boy, I knew it was kismet and this boy's name was meant to be Peter, to honor the man that had just passed on.  When we got to Philadelphia, we told everyone in the family the news and they were all touched.

When it came to the middle name, we were able to come to an accord a lot more quickly.  I wanted to have his middle name in honor of my paternal grandfather and Rich liked the sound of the two names together.  As of the end of May, we knew what our second child would be named.

What I didn't realize until after both boys were part of the world and an even bigger part of our hearts, was that we'd done a name flip.  As I mentioned above, Rich's grandfather was Peter A.  And Teddy was named Theadore A.  My dad's name is Theadore E, his middle name after his father.  And Pete's name is Peter E.  I didn't mean to, but we ended up honoring my father and Rich's grandfather doubly.

Their names were ones that we chose for them, but their nicknames were ones that just came out of who knows where.  When Teddy was younger, I regularly called him "Button".  I don't know where it came from or why.  But he was "Button" to me from about 12 months until 3 1/2 years.  After that, he became "Bud".  Oh, I'll call him "Ted" or "Teddy" too.  They're his names.  But "Bud" is my special nickname for him.

And Pete's is "Bubbie".  Again, no idea where it came from.  I just started calling him "Bubbie" one day and it stuck.  And he's been "Bubbie" ever since.

The Sound I Love

I'm sitting at the computer in the dining room, listening to my children talking out in the living room.  They're talking about sippy cups.  But really, it's not the topic of conversation that gives me a smile.  It's the quality of the conversation.

Peter worships his older brother.  For all that he's the one to jump on Teddy and try to bite him, he really does think he's playing rather than trying to be mean.  He hasn't quite realized that it's unacceptable, no matter how many times we tell him.  But Pete has to always be like Teddy.  This morning, Teddy brought a craft he'd made at church yesterday to me to be fixed.  It had a little tear in it.  Right behind him came Pete, saying "Fix my snake!"  There was nothing wrong with it, but I put a little tape on it to make him happy.  A little while later, after Teddy had taken his shirt off, Pete came to me wanting his shirt off. Like I said, if Big Brother does it, Little Brother needs to follow.

Teddy loves Peter just as much as Pete loves Teddy.  When Pete is doing something and get frustrated because he can't do it, Teddy will step in and say, "You do it like this, Peter."  He loves sharing his knowledge and experience.  That's what this morning's conversation was about.  Pete was saying, "Sippy cup!"  Teddy calmly said, "Yeah, that's a sippy cup.  Now what's this, Peter?"  I don't know what he showed him, but I'm suspecting a cup because that's the answer Pete gave.  And a little while ago, while Pete was sitting on his potty (I still have hope that he'll be potty trained before he turns three), Teddy was right there next to him, telling him what a big boy he was, sitting on the potty.

I hope this relationship stays as they get older.  I don't expect them to get along all the time - they don't now - but I do hope that they'll be close and able to talk to each other about anything.  I want them to be brothers of the heart as well as brothers of the flesh.  And if the early days are anything to go by, I'll get my wish.

What I've Been Up To, Thoughts, Questions and Anything Else That Comes to Mind

I feel like writing tonight more than doing much of anything else.  That's not to say that I won't do anything else, but for the moment, I'm going to just kind of go with the flow.

Teddy's been sick for the last week, so we took him to the doctor today.  His fever's been off and on, which I didn't worry a whole lot about until a) it happened for a week and b) one of the teachers/mother of one of his classmates said that her son had the same symptoms and his doctor diagnosed it as flu.  Our doctor was only able to say that it wasn't strep and probably was a flu-like virus.  And that it looks like it's mostly run it's course. He's been fever free all day, so I'm planning to send him to PDO tomorrow.  Which Mommy really needs.

Since I was over in that area, I stopped by Michaels while I was there.  I'm trying, and failing desperately, to find a stamp or a stencil or something reusable and/or easy to find again (like stickers) with generic books/someone reading/a quote about reading.  With all of the book swaps I've been doing lately, I think having something book related that I can use to jazz up envelopes or bookmarks or pages in journals would be a great thing.  I just don't have any luck with it.  If anyone has any directions that they can send me in my hopeless-feeling quest, I'll be forever grateful!  I've tried Amazon and while they have some, but of the few selections they had, nothing jumped out at me.

I have found, however, that Michaels will be where I go for my journaling needs.  I picked up a couple of really pretty 100 pages journals for $2 each.  If I'm not in the mood to decorate a journal, I think these will be the ones I'll use.  I may go back over one day next week and pick up a few of the 80 pagers that they had for $1 for some of the smaller swaps that I'm doing.  I also picked up a new punch and a new stamp that looked kind of neat and useful in the $1 bin.  When I can go sans kids (because going today with them was a nightmare on two sets of feet), I'm going to look through their punches a little more closely.  The one I picked up today has a butterfly, but I glimpsed a few others that may have caught my fancy if I had more than 2 seconds to look at them.  And I may check Big Lots again for some of the punches, because I know they've had some in the past for around $1 as well.

Another item that I'm having a heck of a time finding is stationary sets.  I used to remember seeing them all the time when I was younger - I even had several of them.  Now I'm finding a ton of notecard sets but no stationary and matching envelopes.  And I'm not quite crafty enough yet to try making my own envelopes. Any of my readers that have suggestions on that, I'll be happy to hear from you as well.

I can also use some advice.  My boys have been getting completely out of control when we've gone out to stores lately.  Though, honestly, it's more Pete than Teddy.  Teddy does have his meltdown moments, but more often than not, he's willing to help me.  Pete, however, thinks that "Run away from Mommy and get into everything I can" is the most exciting game in the world and he has to play.  I've tried putting him in the cart - he tries to climb back out.  I've tried buckling him in, but have the carts have broken buckles any more.  I've tried swatting his bottom.  No luck.  I can REALLY use any suggestions from anyone who has dealt with the same kind of thing.  Because at this point, I'm getting to where I don't ever want to leave the house with them again except for PDO, doctor's appointments or to go to the park.

My toils with organization are still ongoing.  I picked up the Organizher Family Organizer on clearance and I'm finding it incredibly useful.  It has undated calendars with different sections for each member of the family, plus a section for lunch and dinner and daily notes, as well as a notes column on the side for the week.  There are several meal planner sheets with grocery list space on the back, two large plastic zip-closed pockets, sheets for addresses and websites, a plastic business card holder and elastics over the back cover to keep things that you may need there.  It's in a three ring binder, plus Mead (who makes the product) has downloadable content on their website so I can add pages when I need it.  So far, it's been pretty useful this week.

I have a grand plan for organizing swaps.  Actually, two grand plans.  The first is the 3 shelf bookcase that I bought.  At the moment, my crafting supplies are all over the dining room.  There's no place that can hold all of it.  So I'm going to use this bookcase for that purpose.  I have a caddy organizer (smallish) that I can put scissors and other things I don't want Pete to get his hands on on top. For things like pens/stamping pens/etc, I think I'm going to get a pencil case to keep him from grabbing that.  I'm hoping that I'll find new and inventive ways to use the space and still keep all my stuff relatively neat.  The second is getting a small folder or binder that I can put active swaps in.  I've found that when I've been out lately, I haven't been able to remember exact rules for certain swaps, or I don't have papers with me that I need, etc.  I can fill the folder with sheet protectors, get a ringed pencil case to put pens and dry erase markers in and have space to work on the things that I want to work on.  Not sure if it'll fit in my small backpack, but it's worth a try.

I've still desperately got to work on mu Plan.  I'm finding more and more that I can easily make excuses or waste too much time on the computer, things like that.  And in my effort to get better organized, I've got to stop doing it.  I'm hoping that a schedule will help me with it so I can get done the things that I NEED to get done.  I have such a hard time putting off fun until later.  Not much of an adult, sometimes.

I'm guessing that my bookcase isn't getting built tonight.  It was one of my possible plans, but I've been working on this quite a bit.  Not that this is a bad thing.  And maybe it's what I needed tonight more than building a bookcase.  It'll probably be easier with Rich around anyway.  I find it interesting the things that I write sometimes, what comes pouring forth from my brain, etc.

Maybe I should try working on a few of those book reviews at least.  The numbers keep going up rather than down.  Look for those shortly.  And thanks for listening to my babble.  Or reading my babble, which is slightly more appropriate.  And please... I'm serious about getting advice and suggestions.  I can't say that I'll take everyone's advice, but I will at least take a look at it.

Sorry for the delay in posting

Tuesday, I was feeling horrid and spent most of the day in bed, my kids playing in my room so I could be comfortable.  Yesterday, TEDDY was sick with a stomach bug and a fever, so again, I wasn't able to get as much computer time as I wanted.  So I'm a few days behind on things.  I'll be updating a bit this morning with my usual goodies, plus a few new ones (if I'm lucky).

The kids have been out of PDO and are on Spring Break this week.  It means Mommy's usual "me" time has gone away for this week.  Still, we've been having a bit of fun together.  I had to run to the store to get Teddy some jello and a few other things for his sickness and, of course, I needed to bring the boys with me.  They were both pretty quiet in the cart (having grabbed one of the seated ones rather than a regular one) and gave me no fuss.  I enjoy those shopping trips, but I wish it wasn't because of a sick boy.

I've been working on my swaps a bit this week.  Lots to do.  I'm down to only one past-due swap, and that's the journal swap.  I'm working steadily on it, so have no fear.  I'm hoping to do some of it tonight, after the boys go to bed and maybe some while they're napping this afternoon.  Depends on what else I get done.

Tonight is Rich's teaching night, so I need to figure out dinner.  Teddy's back to 100%, so I don't have to worry about those dietary restrictions.  I may leave it up to the kids on what they want.  I'm suspecting pizza.

This morning, Pete has been telling everyone, "Bye-bye," including his toys.  He's run in here twice to say, "Bye-bye, Mommy!"  Goofy, but I love him.  And yesterday, the three of us were telling ding-dong jokes... that's like a knock-knock joke, but with a bell instead of a knock. I kept telling them they were my ding dongs. :)

I guess I better get focused on the other things I need to do.  One of the things I'll be putting up this morning (thankfully, it's just cut and paste) is my answers for the 100 Reader Questionnaire swap.  I had a lot of fun answering the questions, so I want to share them with more than just my partners.  I hope you enjoy the read as well!

They've got something special, it's brotherly love

Every day, I watch my boys become closer.  With Peter talking more and Teddy wanting to be the helpful big brother, it's almost natural.  Not that they always get along... what brothers do?  But they look out for each other.

Teddy's been trying to teach Peter how to read... which is interesting, since Pete doesn't even know his alphabet yet.  But he keeps trying.  If he can't teach him to read, he'll try to teach him how to sign his letters or  quiz him on his colors.  He knows that he can help him unlock the knowledge in his head and thinks that it's his responsibility to do so.  Because he's the big brother.

I love to listen to the two of them being silly together, loving each other and playing games together.  Peter loves it when Teddy asks him to have a Pokemon battle with him.  And Teddy beams with pride when Peter asks for his help with something.

I know this closeness will only grow as they get older.  The fights will be different... no longer will it be over who gets the Batman toy, but instead over computer or TV time.  But I suspect that Teddy will be there to back Pete whenever he needs it... and vice versa.  They are good brothers, and I'm so lucky to watch them grow together.

Life Never Slows Down, Not for an Instant

Things have been incredibly crazy in the Sanity Household.  There was one heck of a storm last Thursday and, from what I've been told, at least one tornado touchdown.  When I was driving the kids to PDO on Friday morning, I saw bits of devastation.  No houses down, but a lot of debris and a lot of signs torn.  There is a hotel almost across the street from the church and it's sign was just twisted.  The billboard nearby had it's ad pulled off.  And when I got to the church, there was a bunch more to see.  Shingles off the roof, tree branches piled around... it didn't look too pretty.  And when the boys and I got to the door where PDO is, we were met by the director who told us the power was out, so they were cancelling PDO.  It's was pretty chilly and since they have electric heat, keeping the kids there would have been a bad idea.  So back home I went with the boys, unsure what to do with the day.

My friend Becca brought her kids over, so the four of them had a blast playing all over the house.  And while they were there, a knock on the door let me know that a package had arrived.  It was the new desktop.  Which... was strange.  Not that we got it, because we'd ordered it.  But more because they had first sent us a message saying it would be late sending out, then sent a message saying it had shipped but wouldn't be here until the 1st.  Still... new computer!  Rich and I put the desk together on Friday night and the computer on Saturday morning.  We didn't really have a lot of time to play on it, though, because of a bunch of errands that needed to be run.  And Sunday was another day filled with busy.  But we are finding time to get acquainted anyway.

On Saturday night, we got some bad news that requires a trip north (can't go into much detail at the moment).  It's necessitated a lot of shifting of schedules and getting things together quickly.  We'll be leaving on Wednesday at around 4am.  I'm feeling a bit crazier than usual trying to get these things done but I know I'll get it done.  The one thing that makes me feel kinda bad is that I had to e-mail all my swap partners and let them know what's going on and that the packages might be a bit late.

Today is going to be a day filled with laundry, cleaning and finding things that we'll need to bring on our trip.  I did the shopping for it (since we try to avoid eating out for lunch if we can) and got totally soaked.  Thank you, horrendous thunderstorm that's drifting through the area.

Tomorrow, the weather is supposed to be better so I'm going to bring the van for an oil change and to get new windshield wipers.  I've got to go down to Cool Springs to pick up pictures that we'd had taken there, and I need to get the packing done.  There are probably other things on my list, but I don't want to look at it right now.  I want to pretend I'm not doing anything much.

We'll be bringing the netbook with us north.  I'm hoping to have a chance to update my book reviews during that time.  The list gets longer and I get no closer to writing them all up.  But I will.  I know that I will.

And now, before I put the boys down for their naps and dive into cleaning/laundry/packing mode, I'll leave you with a few pics from the last few months.

Sleepy Pete tried to make it to midnight on NYE, but it just didn't happen.

Teddy was really please with the number of tickets he won on his birthday.

This is one of my favorite pics of the Pete.  He was sitting in one of the chairs at the library, reading a book.

Teddy being silly at Ruby Tuesday's for brunch (this is the most recent pic of him)

What's this shy stuff?  Usually, Pete loves to get his picture taken.

The front cover of my 4th Quarter book log.

And this was the inside formatting.

I was pretty pleased with this particular swap.

There's a lot more uploaded.  I'll (hopefully) share a bunch more over the next few days.