Keeping Myself Motivated

 For a long time, I have suffered from depression.  It colors everything I do, from how I see the world to how I see myself.  Far too often, I will be convinced that I never get anything done.  I can write To Do lists, but if I forget to check them off, they look no different.  I keep lists in my phone, lists on paper, lists in my head... but when depression comes, none of those things actually help me.  So I started something that does.  It's my Today I... book.

It's a small book - maybe 6" - with a bright red cover.  I don't know how many pages there are in it, because I don't bother numbering them.  That's not the point of the book.  It also has a connected bookmark, which lets me continue where I left off.

I don't number the things I do.  Like with the pages, the numbers aren't the point.  If I were to start numbering them, I would focus more on "did I do more than other days this week?" than on what I did.  So the only numbers I see is the date, including year.  Instead of numbers or letters, I dash each different item I did.  Sometimes, that list will take me to the next page, and I note that I'm continuing the day before, without the year.  I can tell at a look when something had happened.

I add almost everything, as long as it's positive.  I remembered to take my meds?  I mark it down.  I took a shower?  Mark it down.  Played board games, computer games, read something or watched something, it all gets marked down.  Because some of the days all I have are the little things.  I can't push myself to do cleaning or organizing, or updating my Bujo.  The thought of writing in my blog drains me.  But even if I didn't do those things, I still accomplished something, even if it was getting out of bed and making it downstairs.  The writing of the book is for me to feel better about myself.

Dates don't have their own pages.  Each day, instead of starting a new sheet, I move down two lines, write the date and begin again.  It keeps the amount of white space from staring at me as I glance through, and helps me feel as though I've been doing stuff.  I also don't make any kind of notation if I miss dates.  It doesn't matter if I've skipped one day or whole months (I've done both), it's still continuation for me.  I'm just trying to find ways to keep myself moving forward, remembering that my days weren't a waste.

Do you have anything that you try to do to keep yourself motivated?  I love to hear from people, so please, feel free to share your motivations with me in comment.

Daily Challenge - Day 6

I know, I know.  My challenges have been a bit silent lately.  Between craziness at home, my ankle deciding to act back up and my depression coming back in full force, I haven't had much will to update it.

I'd originally planned on having a healthy meal be my daily challenge for Wednesday, but that was before I realized how bare my freezer was and how empty my wallet was.  So that challenge will be bumped to another day.  I'm pretending that Wednesday and Thursday didn't happen and I'm just jumping right in with the next challenge

How do you get back on track after falling by the wayside?

This one came into place because of the last few days.  I haven't been exercising.  I haven't been cleaning.  I haven't been updating Today I....  I've been settling into a funk.

The old me would be saying, "See.  There's your proof.  FAILURE!"  Proof that I can't stick to anything, not matter what my intentions are from the beginning.  The old me would have given everything up for lost because of two days of missed goals.  The old me would have waited for six months to a year to start again.

But I'm trying not to be the old me.  I'm trying to become the new me that doesn't give up quite so easily.  So this is how I'm going to work on getting back on track:

1. I'm not going to try to catch back up all at once.  Wednesday and Thursday were both a wash.  Today is a new day with new things on my list to do.  And those are the ones I'm going to focus on.
2. I'm going to forgive myself.  That's always been difficult for me to do because I set my personal standards so high.  But if I wouldn't hold anyone else to these standards, it's not fair that I hold myself to them either.  So I forgive myself for not meeting all of my goals.
3. I'm going to start working on the things I need to do first thing in the morning, leaving computer work for last.  When I get on the computer, I find myself playing out my Marvel Avengers energy.  Then I need to check something else on Facebook.  Then I need to read the blogs I follow.  Only then do I start typing posts - usually memes.  Then it's back to checking Marvel and Facebook and blogs and e-mail.... it's too much distraction for me.  So I'm going to focus on the housework first.
4. I'm going to start printing out the day's plan the night before so I can take a look at it.  I started up my control journal when I cleaned my bedroom last weekend, so I can slip it into that and start each morning by pulling it out to see what I have going on.
5. I'm going to make exercising the last thing I do.  In some ways, this won't work as well for me because I'll be more tired from everything else.  But my husband wants to work out as well, so if we leave it for the evening, we'll be able to do it together.
6. I'm going to pare down my expectations.  For today, I have 12 things on my list.  Some of it are things like "Me time", but others are exercising and ankle exercises.  While I do need to do my ankle exercises every day, I don't need to do a work-out every day.  If I pare that down to a few times a week, and if I start getting the family to help more with the household chores so it's not taking me as long, then I'll be in a little better shape.
7. I'm going to make one thing be a focus of the week (much like FlyLady has the monthly challenges).  One week it may be cleaning, the next blogging, the next me personally.  This way, I can make sure the weekly focus gets done and if one of the other things on my list falls off, that's ok.

Will this work?  We'll have to see.  I won't know until I try.  But try I'm going to.  After all, life is about the journey.  And I'm tired of sitting at a rest area, waiting for it to continue.

Daily Challenge - Day 4

Well, today is the first day I haven't completely finished my daily challenge for today.  Today's challenge was:

Create a motivation page - words/pictures/anything to make you feel better about who you are and who you want to be

I had every intention of doing this today, to the point of even printing out some quotes I want to put on the page.  But I got caught up in cleaning my bedroom instead.  For 5 1/2 hours, I cleaned, organized, straightened, threw away and otherwise made my bedroom into a place that I want to spend time in.

I do, however, have plans for what I want to add to it.  I'm planning on putting a picture of me from high school (back when I was at my lowest weight) as motivation to lose my weight.  I'm going to add a picture of a Wii Fit, since that's something I want to purchase to help keep me healthy.  I will put the highest stats from here on my blog, since having a successful blog is something that I want as well.  I'm also going to take pictures of each room in the house as I have them completely cleaned so I have proof that I can make my house look the way that I want it to.  I'm going to put the quotes that I printed out.  And finally, I'm going to put a list of positive things about myself in the center.  It will be something to remind me that I'm worth it when I'm having a bad day.

It may take longer than a few days to get it done, particularly if I've got to get pictures printed out (and, in the case of the room pics, taken).  But I've got a plan.  And that means a lot.

Tomorrow, I'm also going to be project oriented.  But not quite like today.  Tomorrow's challenge is:

Pick a project you've been wanting to do and work on it for 15 minutes.

I've even got the project planned.  I'm making a silverware caddy out of old soup cans and craft paper.  I may not get it completely finished, but I'll at least get it further along than I've done so far.