Keeping Myself Motivated

 For a long time, I have suffered from depression.  It colors everything I do, from how I see the world to how I see myself.  Far too often, I will be convinced that I never get anything done.  I can write To Do lists, but if I forget to check them off, they look no different.  I keep lists in my phone, lists on paper, lists in my head... but when depression comes, none of those things actually help me.  So I started something that does.  It's my Today I... book.

It's a small book - maybe 6" - with a bright red cover.  I don't know how many pages there are in it, because I don't bother numbering them.  That's not the point of the book.  It also has a connected bookmark, which lets me continue where I left off.

I don't number the things I do.  Like with the pages, the numbers aren't the point.  If I were to start numbering them, I would focus more on "did I do more than other days this week?" than on what I did.  So the only numbers I see is the date, including year.  Instead of numbers or letters, I dash each different item I did.  Sometimes, that list will take me to the next page, and I note that I'm continuing the day before, without the year.  I can tell at a look when something had happened.

I add almost everything, as long as it's positive.  I remembered to take my meds?  I mark it down.  I took a shower?  Mark it down.  Played board games, computer games, read something or watched something, it all gets marked down.  Because some of the days all I have are the little things.  I can't push myself to do cleaning or organizing, or updating my Bujo.  The thought of writing in my blog drains me.  But even if I didn't do those things, I still accomplished something, even if it was getting out of bed and making it downstairs.  The writing of the book is for me to feel better about myself.

Dates don't have their own pages.  Each day, instead of starting a new sheet, I move down two lines, write the date and begin again.  It keeps the amount of white space from staring at me as I glance through, and helps me feel as though I've been doing stuff.  I also don't make any kind of notation if I miss dates.  It doesn't matter if I've skipped one day or whole months (I've done both), it's still continuation for me.  I'm just trying to find ways to keep myself moving forward, remembering that my days weren't a waste.

Do you have anything that you try to do to keep yourself motivated?  I love to hear from people, so please, feel free to share your motivations with me in comment.