Can't Stop the Signal, Take 2

I actually tried to post this last night, but Blogger and Chrome weren't talking to each other well and every time I tried to publish, Blogger refused to save.  It took a restart of the computer and a deletion of my cache and cookies to get myself back on track.  My A is for Amber post seemed to come out well, though, so I'm hopeful that this one will as well

I hadn't realized that I'd been gone from my blog for almost 2 months.  I knew that I'd gotten busy and that it had been put on the back burner but two months.... well, I guess it's better than the 9 months that my last hiatus lasted!  And as I was thinking about it last night, I realized just how much had happened.

Over the last two months, I've:

• Mourned my aunt
• Celebrated Teddy's 7th birthday.
• Went on the first field trip of the year (for me) with his class
• Attended the Mother/Son Dance at Teddy's school
• Celebrated my 39th birthday
• Got a sewing machine for my birthday and am still trying to figure out how to use it.
• Tried to find the magic item that would make Pete behave at PDO
• Possibly found the magic item that would make Pete behave at PDO
• Dealt with spiraling depression
• Cleaned... a lot.
• Cleaned out my linen closet and ended up with three bags of things to go to Goodwill
• Tried to figure out what to do with my kids for the two weeks of Spring Break that would leave me with my sanity intact by the end of it.
• Took the kids to Chuck E Cheese.
• Attended Tennessee States Pokemon Championship to watch Rich and Teddy battle.
• Took Pete to 2 Easter Egg hunts and Teddy to 1.
• Tried to figure out what I wanted to do for Easter.
• Nursed sick family members in the house.
• Watched my friend's youngest son while she was busy having her youngest daughter (and she's a cutie!)
• Baked a little. (Though the lemon meringue pie I made for Easter didn't really come out too good.)
• Read a lot, though I haven't been good about keeping track of what I've read.
• Played on the Wii - sometimes with the boys (Super Smash Bros Brawl) and sometimes by myself (NCIS).
• Slept.
• Had Easter at my house, with my Dad driving down to spend the day with us.
• Took apart my dryer on Easter Sunday (with my Dad's help) to fix a five dollar part that was a PITA to replace.
• Tried to avoid feeling guilty about what I wasn't doing, but not succeeding very well.

So many things went by the wayside over the last couple of months - I stopped doing my week planning, and stopped doing my daily challenges.  I stopped updating much of anything.  I stopped doing SparkPeople and stopped exercising like I knew I should.  I stopped caring.

Somehow, though, knowing that the kids were starting back to school today (ok.... Teddy started back today.  Pete isn't back until tomorrow) was like a light at the end of the tunnel. I could see myself getting back on track.  I knew that I could start feeling like life was back to normal.  So yesterday, I wrote out my weekly schedule, including the meal planning for the week.  I didn't have my calendar in front of me as I usually do, but it doesn't look like I missed anything.  I wrote out a weeks worth of challenges to do so I can get back to my Daily Challenges.  I'm starting to feel more in control of things and it feels good.

So you should see me back here fairly regularly again.  I'm hoping to start back with some of the memes that I used to regularly enjoy, as well as posting every day for the A to Z Challenge.  Those of you who've stuck around, thank you.  It really does mean the world to me to have you here!

In the mean time, here are a couple of pics from the last couple of months.

Multi-taskin' Mama!

The boys, showing off the eggs they searched for in the house.

Super Strong Teddy!

My award-winning Kid in the Hat!

Sunday's Stream of Consciousness - or something

It always happens this way.  I have all these grand plans for the weekend.  Rich, the boys and I are going to get a lot done around the house.  I'm going to have fun with my family.  We're just going to do and be and just have fun.

And then the weekend arrives and very little of what I plan actually happens.  Take today for example.

Today, I'd planned on bringing Rich and the boys to church, donating blood, spending the time between the quick donation and the end of church working on writing out my weekly schedule and the menus for the next week, maybe getting my chore list written out, maybe even reading a bit.  Then we'd head home, eat lunch and head upstairs to work on mucking out the boys' disaster of a room.  We'd enjoy dinner together, get the boys put in bed at 8 and then Rich and I would play Burning Wheel for a few hours before heading to bed and another day filled with lots of stuff to do.

Instead, this is what happened:

I went to bed after 11pm, thinking I'd still be able to get a decent night's sleep.  Instead, I lay awake until around 2, unable to fall asleep no matter how hard I tried.  I woke up around 7, hearing the boys downstairs and, not long after, Teddy coming in to ask if he could get on the computer.  Me being grumpy, I got into an argument about I don't remember what with Rich and was a grump for most of the morning.  I spent too much time playing Marvel Avengers Alliance and not enough getting ready to go.  With a cup of coffee, a glass of water and a couple pieces of buttered bread in my system, I rushed out of the house thinking we'd be late getting the boys to their religious education classes.

Getting Teddy into class was a lot less painful than expected.  We hadn't been in about 8 months, but they remembered us (and Teddy) so he was able to join the class and have a good time.  Rich, Pete and I had to find something to do for about an hour and a half until Mass started and I had my blood donation appointment.  So we let Pete play on the playground while Rich and I worked out the menu for the week and talked about my character for the game we may or may not be playing later that night.  I also managed to get some decent shots of Pete, and even a few of Rich.  I was feeling pretty good when 10:30 came around and it was time for my family to go into church and me into the Bloodmobile.

Pete, having fun on the Church playground.

This is where things started to screw up.  First, it didn't seem to matter that I'd made an appointment.  A very rude guy told me that I needed to leave to sign in - not that I would have known this since it didn't say it anywhere.  Then when I came back, he told me again that I needed to get out and read the paperwork I'd been given.  Didn't matter that it was the same paperwork I'd read every time, or that I'd skimmed it on my way from the church.  I still had to stand outside.  A couple other ladies walked up and I found out that they had been there at 10 and was told that there were other people that needed to be in the 10:30 service so they got to go first.  I let these nice ladies go ahead of me, since they'd been waiting longer.

It was about 45 minutes before I actually got back inside the Bloodmobile.  Then it was another 10 minutes or so before anyone even came into the triage room to take my info down.  Though I can't complain about the guy that was taking down my info.  He's a comic book geek much like I am, and he's a huge fan of Green Arrow as well.  He even had the most awesome tattoo of Green Arrow on his forearm.  I wish I'd thought to ask if I could take a picture of it.

When they finally got me up on one of the couches to take blood, people were leaving the church.  I'd had the forethought to message Rich and let him know how long everything was taking when I first went in, so I was hoping he'd take the boys to play on the playground for awhile.  What I didn't expect, though I should have, was how difficult it would be for them to actually find my vein.  I have very small, deep, slippery veins.  They don't like to be found and prodded.  It took them probably 20 minutes or so to find my veins and get me started.  Once the finally found a good one AND managed to get me stuck, there was no problem.  I bleed well once it's started.  2 hours after my appointment, I was finally walking out with a bottle of water and a bag of cookies to up my sugar levels a bit.  And, of course, had to listen to a 4 year old begging to eat my cookies instead.

I was a bit light headed, so after eating a roast beef sandwich and drinking some juice, I headed upstairs to lay down for awhile.  I just couldn't get my brain working right, though.  I couldn't seem to figure out what I was trying to write down.  I had so many things I wanted to get worked out, but nothing was coming to mind.  So I wrote down a bunch of different lists - Daily Challenges, shopping lists, chore lists, my schedule for the week, what I needed to do online.... just lots of things that probably make little sense.

I'm still not sure if anything is making sense.  Though I have managed to come back downstairs (obviously), still grumpy and snarling at the family, and eat some dinner, as well as get some blogging done.  I keep thinking that I should also be writing out my Week Plan.  But it's been a long day and my brain is not working and I know I'm not gaming tonight.

Instead, I just wish I had some chocolate.  Does anyone know where the chocolate is?

Never mind.  Now I'm going to close out for the night.  Tomorrow is a new day with, hopefully, a brain more prepared to deal with the mundane.

Dealing with the Day to Day... Today

Yesterday, I had this grand plan to write about how today is the first time that 9/11 has fallen on a Tuesday since the towers fell 11 years ago.  I was going to talk about my memories (though not all of them, since I've blogged about it before), how the thoughts are there but not as intrusive as they were in the few years following the fall.   I had all these wonderful plans to show that I still remember how important that day was, how it changed us as a country and how the world would never be the same before and after.  I've always tried to acknowledge September 11th in some way and I didn't want to let today go by.

But then I got up this morning.  It was a typical rising for a Tuesday morning - get up, get breakfast for the boys, badger them into clothing while I make Teddy's lunch, drive up to the bus stop, then drive home for a few minutes computer time before heading around the house to do the rest of my chores.  And then I took a look at my e-mail.  My daily account balance was waiting for me and when I opened it up, I was shocked and dismayed to see how little was in the account.  Yes, things have been tight.  Yes, we've had several bills come out.  And yes, I knew I was spending when I probably shouldn't have.  But I didn't expect it to be this low.  It threw me into depression.  My anniversary is in two days.  My son's birthday is in 12 days.  Both vehicles need to be emissions tested and registered.  Groceries and gas will need to be purchased.  I have meds that should be picked up today and a dental appointment for both boys next Tuesday.  And we're broke.  We've got some money coming in on Friday, but making it until Friday with fears of other bills coming out early rattle through my head.

I want to curl up into a ball and cry.  I hate this feeling.  I hate that we are bad with money.  I hate that neither of us have the self-discipline we need to make our money last.  But I can't curl up in a ball.  I need to take care of Pete.  I have laundry in the dryer that needs to be finished.  I have cleaning that needs to be done.  And I have books, DVDs and CDs to sort through so I can sell them to McKay's for cash to keep us going these next few days.

I wanted to go on Facebook and just put out a request for hugs.  Sometimes, knowing that people have my back, that they love me no matter what kind of mistakes I make in my life, is enough to help push me to do what I need to.  But as I pulled up my friends' page, I saw post after post about remembering those that died 11 years ago today.  And I felt like I was being selfish, wanting hugs for something that I screwed up, instead of giving to those who were still grieving, either for loss of friends and family or loss of the innocence they had before the planes hit.  The daily crap that I'm going through is nothing compared to what happened that day.  And should that be what today is about?

I know that it isn't.  Deep inside, I know that life still needs to go on.  That was one of the important lessons that we learned that day - life didn't stop, we wouldn't let it.  People would still get married, have children, get divorced, lose loved ones, buy things and get frustrated.  We would continue to be the people that we are and not let ourselves be beat down by a terrorist act.  And having a bad day where you realize you screwed up and, yes, it will eventually be ok, but right now your emotions are taking the deep dive into the murky waters of depression is going to happen today like it does every other day.  Because life is still going on.  And that's what we need to remember.

So I haven't forgotten what today is.  I'll never forget what today is.  But I have other things happening in my life besides remembering it, acknowledging it and thinking about it.  I have clothes that need to be washed, books that need to be sorted, and a little boy who needs a jelly sandwich.  And yes, I can use hugs because life is weighing more heavily on me today than other days.  And that's ok.  Because the important place for me to remember is in my soul rather than on a webpage.

Thanks for letting me talk this out.  It helped me figure a lot out.  And if you ever need someone to listen, just ask.  I'll be there.

Get into the groove

I'm finally starting to find my rhythm when it comes to household things.  School's been back in session for almost 3 weeks now (yep, we started on August 1st) and with first grade has come more homework.  Believe it or not, that's actually helped me get back on track for getting life under control.

First, let's share some First Day of School pics:

I'm ready to go!

But I want to go too!!!!

Teddy getting started with his morning work, while Pete looks on.

He's been doing great in school so far.  His grades are all wonderful and he's even made a few friends.  After last year's dealing with bullies and seeing him alone more than with friends, I was hoping that this year would be different.  And so far, it is.  He's got two boys that are into a lot of the same things he's into and that he sits with at lunch.  So far, it's a good start to the year.  Of course, they still aren't sure what to do with him when it comes to reading because he's so much further ahead than the rest of his classmates.  One thing that I'm doing to try to help him, though, is requiring that he get a non-fiction book out of the library, read it and tell me what it's about.  Comprehension has been his biggest stumbling block.

As I said earlier, his school year has helped me get more organized as well.  He's got homework almost every night, so I started getting organized with that.  As soon as Teddy comes home, he needs to put his lunch things in the sink and finish his homework.  When that's done, I get him (and Pete) a snack and a drink.  Because he needs to get that done, I need to keep the dining room table clean for him to work on.  So I've been trying to keep on top of that.  There has to be a dedicated place near the front door for the boys' shoes, backpacks and lunch boxes, so some rearranging was in order.  But before I could rearrange, I had to get the living room clean. Which was finished the other day.  Once I had the carpet cleaners come out, I was ready to rearrange.

I went from this:

From the couch toward the stairs

Where the TV is

The couch on the far wall

The corner next to the couch.

To this:

A nice little reading nook

The area by the front door, with bins to keep things in

The TV stayed where it was and the couch moved under the window.  I don't need to worry about the sun hitting me in the eyes when I want to lay on the couch.  Plus, it makes it easier for people to talk than how I'd set it up before.  It feels more open and I like that.

What amazes me more than anything was that I moved all of it myself.  When I get in the mood to do something, though, I push myself beyond what I probably should do.  Even more amazing is the fact that I can still move after all of it.  I expected to not be able to move for a week.

So that was my big project.  The smaller things are things like having each day be a different focus.  For example, Mondays I clean the bathrooms and do laundry.  I try to keep everything else within manageable levels, of course, but the heavy cleaning like the toilets, tub, counter tops and floors wait until Monday to happen.  Tuesdays are the dining room.  Wednesdays the living room, Thursdays, the kitchen and Fridays the bedroom.  And I'm finding each room easier to do when it's day comes since I've been keeping up with things.

I'm not finished by a long shot.  I haven't done what I really need to on the bedrooms, and today was the first day I really tackled the kitchen.  (And managed to get it and the bathrooms done).  I've got a lot of storage-area stuff that needs to be done as well - my closets, my pantry, bookshelves... but I'm finally at a place, and with a plan in place, where I can take time to attack those.

Once I have all of that finished, my next plan is to focus on my online things.  All my games/blogs/etc are on hold for the moment because I'm trying to focus on getting the rest of this done.  And honestly, those things need to be my focus because they get out of control most easily.  But I'm finally feeling like I can be on top of things and that's what I need.  Getting back in a groove, feeling accomplished and loving life. I'm even getting a little formal exercise in now and again (though, to be fair, the sweat I've been working up with the heavy cleaning does count as exercise as well).

One of these days, I may even surprise my husband and take over dinner cooking duties!

Still Looking for My Way

2012 was supposed to be the year that I got myself together.  I had plans - including a 101 in 1,001.  I worked accountability into it by making swaps that related to it.  I just knew that if I could start making habits, they'd become habits and I'd be on top of everything.

That lasted about 4 days. Four days until all my plans went *poof* out the window.  And I can't even say why it happened.  I don't remember anything catastrophic that day.  I just... forgot to do some of the things I wanted to do.  And then I forgot more things.  And more.  Until I got to a point where I didn't look at anything that I needed to do for over a month.  I slid behind in rating for swaps, and for getting them out.  I slid behind in doing book reviews and memes that I enjoy on my blogs.  I slid behind on housekeeping and healthy eating.

I have GOT to get back on top of things.  I want a house that I'm not embarrassed to let people come into.  I want to be able to cook dinner for my family.  I want to make a name for myself in both the Mommy Blogging and Book Blogging communities.  I want to have time when I don't have to worry about what's not getting done when I take time to do something I want to do.

Last night, I tried to work up a schedule for myself for today.  It didn't go well.  I think a large part of the problem is that I have too many things on my To Do list.  Even sitting here on the computer, I'm bouncing between three different things (rating swaps, entering for giveaways on Goodreads, and trying to write my blog post).  And while I'm doing those things, I'm thinking that I should be switching and folding laundry.  I should be cleaning the living room.  I should be checking today's tasks from FlyLady and MommaCan. I should figure out what I want to do for dinner tonight... and lunch for Pete and I.  I should I should I should...

I'm driving myself crazy with all of the things that I "should" be doing and trying really hard to push the "want" to be doing out of my mind.  And I think I figured out the problem.  Well, the two problems.

1) I work better when I have an audio book or some music playing.  Something about the silence makes it harder for me to keep my mind on one task.  It's like the auditory background helps guide my mind on it's path.  I haven't put anything on because I don't want to disturb whatever Pete's watching in the living room.  But I've got to change that.  It's time to bring back my audio books!

and

2) I don't have things written down.  I've always worked better actually writing what I needed to do.  It made it stick in my mind so I wouldn't get overwhelmed.  But even when I do write things down, they aren't in any particular order.  Instead, I just have a list of things that have to get done.  No order of importance.  No break down.  Just this huge list staring me in the face.  So I need to change that.  I'm thinking of downloading ToDo Task Manager to my Kindle in hopes of getting myself on track, but first and foremost, I think I need to write it down on paper.  My original plan for today was to get a bunch of computer work done - book reviews, ratings, reading my feeds.  But I think getting the groundwork set for what I want to do is much, much more important than getting things finished.  I only have a couple things that are actually due TODAY, so those can be slotted in later. I'm hoping that if I can get my system down, I can get my life back under control.

So that's my plan.  Working my way through my huge list of things that need to be done, prioritizing and setting things right.  And tomorrow... tomorrow I will start all over again.  Because that's what matters.  Getting up and starting again.

Destiny has a lot to do with it, but so do you. You have to persevere, you have to insist. - Andrea Bocelli

Trying for the Positive

Today has been one of those days where I've dealt with both frustration and feelings of pride.  Though I'm glad to say, the feelings of pride are winning.

I had an unexpected day to myself, since my friend Becca has two sick kids.  I've been helping her (or trying to) get packed for their move to their new house next week.  Her eldest was sick last night, so she asked me to watch the baby.  Since he's one of the happiest babies I've ever had the privilege of keeping an eye on, I had no problem with it.  But this morning, she sent me a text to let me know that her middle child was sick as well.  Since she wasn't going to be able to get much done with packing, she said she'd keep the baby.  I know that I should have planned on housework, but honestly, I planned on napping.  Sleep, for whatever reason, hasn't been as restful as it should have been.

Instead, I ended up having to drive to Teddy's school because I forgot to put his eye patch on this morning.  (He's back to wearing one all day for a month because his eye has weakened again.)  It gave me a chance to chat with his teacher for a bit to find out how things have been with him at school.  I also got to see pictures of her new baby and she's sooooo adorable!

Since I was already out, I decided to head to Target to pick up more of the magazine holders they had in their dollar bins.  (They make a great temporary storage for my comics.)  I absolutely love those dollar bins at Target.  I regularly find inexpensive craft supplies, little goodies for the boys, organizational items and other things.  Today, along with the paper magazine holders, I picked up a couple metal ones they had for $2.50 each and plastic storage baskets that I'll be using for some organization.  They'll be going on the stairs, one for each of us, and will hold things that need to go upstairs for each of us.

I also picked up a few shirts for the boys - three for Teddy and one for Pete.  I actually prefer Target's clearance clothing to Wal-Marts, because they usually have cooler stuff for less.  I didn't find as much for Pete, just one long-sleeved one that was kind of cute.  Teddy, on the other hand, got two Pokemon shirts and an Adventure Time shirt.  This one is my favorite:

He looks great in it too (as soon as we got home, he decided that he wanted to wear it).

I planned on napping a bit when I got home, but I got caught up in the book that I'd been listening to (A Bite to Remember by Lynsay Sands) and the one I'd been reading (The Scrapbook of Frankie Pratt by Caroline Preston), as well as wandering around Pintrest (yes, I'm becoming addicted).  Just as I was about ready to leave to pick up Pete from PDO, my phone rang and it was Teddy's school. He pooped his pants again.

So I called Pete's PDO to beg them to have Pete awake and ready for me (and luckily, they were understanding and did so), and then rushed to pick up Teddy.  I did get some good news regarding Pete - not only did he have a great day in general, behaving like he was supposed to, but he also went both poopie and pee-pee on the potty.  It's a step in the right direction.

When I got to Teddy's school, I found out that it wasn't really his fault, pooping his pants this time.  He had diarrhea again.  But, I was proud of him with one thing - he actually told his teacher rather than trying to hide it.  It's a problem that he's had lately, trying to hide when he poops his pants because he's afraid he'll get in trouble.  So rather than focus on the pooping, I made sure to focus on what he did right.  I did tell him that we need to work on getting him to the bathroom on time - I'm still not sure why he has been having trouble with it (since it's usually NOT diarrhea).  Hopefully, we'll be able to get him through this.

So I'm feeling relatively positive about today.  I'm hoping that tomorrow will be a good day as well. I'll have both boys at home (with the whole sick-at-school thing for Teddy) but it will give Teddy and I a chance to work on some of his homework and I'll get a chance to get a few other things done as well.

Positive days. I like them.

Trying to Find the Time

Yep.  Still not updating regularly.  Bad Amber.

I'm alive, which is good.  I'm busy, which may be good.  I'm still trying to organize my life and my thoughts to do the things that I want to do.  Little bit at a time, I guess.

I've actually been doing fairly good at the whole cleaning thing.  I started last week and have been doing a deep cleaning of the apartment.  It's taken 3 days to do the living room so at this rate, it may be the new year before I'm finished.  But the important thing is that I'm getting it done.  Thank the Gods for audio books, though.  That's what's helping keep me going.    This weekend has undone some of what I'd done last week, but it shouldn't take me as long to get that part to rights tomorrow before diving back in and continuing to work.

I've started a series of swaps over on Swap-Bot that are helping me keep up with my book reviews.  It's a weekly book review that we're sharing by e-mail.  I do my reviews on my Goodreads, which gets posted to my book review blog, Views from the Reader Side and then I copy them into my e-mail.  I've been doing a lot of reading and a lot of listening to audio books, so please feel free to come on over to one or both places and add it to your reading list.

I got a bit of good news this week that I hadn't expected, mainly because I haven't been paying attention.  We finally paid off our van!  I suspected that the time was coming for it to be paid off, but the last few months have been insane so things haven't been on my radar as much as they should have been.  But when Rich went to pay the latest amount, he was told that was the last payment we'd need to make.  They'll be sending us the info for getting our title in our name.  We finally have another asset!  Woo-hoo!

I've got so many pictures I need to upload and post here.  I've got a ton of Halloween pictures.  The boys went as Ash Ketchum from Pallet Town and Pikachu (both from Pokemon).  I need to switch back over to my side of the computer (I've been on my husband's for awhile) so I can upload them more easily to my Picasa account.  Look for them soon, though.

Life is about to get even busier, thanks to job situations.  Classes have started picking up for Rich at University of Phoenix - he's been teaching one on Thursday nights for the last three weeks and starts another on Tuesdays nights this week - and his tutoring has picked up as well.  He's gone almost every night and does some tutoring on Saturdays as well.  Luckily, he tutors at our local library on Saturday, so we go as a family to the library and while he's tutoring, the boys play outside on the library's front lawn while I watch them and read.  It does mean, however, that I'm having to step-up on the cooking end of things.  I hate cooking!  So if anyone has ideas of easy things to make that the kids might enjoy, please pass them my way!

For now, I'd better get my butt in gear. Rich and the boys are at church and I have a bit of shopping I want to do while they're gone.  So I'd better get out of the house or they'll be back before I am!  Hope everyone's having a great weekend!  Happy November!

A Change Will Do You Good

Great intentions, right?  I always have great intentions.  I intend to keep up with the housecleaning every day. I intend to post on my blog every day. I intend to keep up with SparkPeople every day.  I intend to work-out every day and work on swaps every day and play with my boys every day and and and.

I know that I'm over committed. I need to work on that. I need to find a way to do the things I want to do without them being stressful. Because I really do enjoy the things that I do.

I love to do things for swap-bot.  It keeps my creativity flowing.  The same goes for the two role-playing games I'm in.  I've been trying, with swap-bot at least, to make sure I'm only signing up for swaps that I know I can keep up with, and most of them are e-swaps, which make it quite a bit easier.  On the gaming front, it helps that I have a set schedule for them.  Still, I've been missing too many posts.  I owe two right now.

I love to update my blog.  I love to talk about the things that are going on in my life, to share great things with my readers, to reach out to other bloggers and get to know more about more people.  I like having the schedule of things, even if I don't get to them as regularly as I'd like.

I love having a clean house.  However, I hate what I need to do to get it that way.  And I hate the way I get when I've spent 3 hours working on cleaning something, only to have the boys come in and destroy it within 10 minutes.  It makes me wonder why I do it.  And I've tried to get them to clean up after themselves - taking away their privileges when they refuse, or bribing them with more good things when they do what they're supposed to.  But they don't like to listen to me.  Probably because I'm Mommy.

The same goes with exercising.  I love having a healthy body.  But trying to get into the flow of exercise just doesn't work as well as I'd like it to most days.  I'd been doing really good with walking or pilates every day... until I told people about it.  Then my commitment went out the window.

Why do I do this, I wonder?  Why do I set myself up to fail with things?  Ok, maybe I'm not meaning to, but it is what happens too often.  I keep up with something until I think it's become habit, I tell people about it as a "hey, I'm doing great" and BAM!  The habit goes away.  I'm trying to find what will work for me.

I've been trying to make a schedule every day.  But it's so easy for my schedule to get blown out of the water because of the kids and things they need to do, or something coming up at home unexpectedly.  So maybe the schedule thing won't work as well as I'd like it to.

All I know is that I need to make some changes.  I'm thinking of making some changes to my blog - mainly pulling my book reviews out into a blog of their own.  Because I feel like I'm fighting back and forth with what to write.  If I know that my books have a separate place of their own, it might make it a bit easier.  I dunno.

I need to change.  I need to figure out what I need to change.  Maybe I need a vacation.  Maybe I need to learn Zen.  Maybe I need an epiphany.  Who knows.  But something's got to give before I do.


I'm writing this entry today for Pour Your Heart Out, the weekly feature over at Things I Can't Say.

Trying to fight the blahs

I'm not sure what's causing it this week, but I've had a serious case of the blahs.  I haven't wanted to update my blog (as you can see by the fact that I haven't updated since Monday), haven't wanted to write my game posts (for which I'm sure Paul's ready to have my head), been putting Swap-Bot things off to the last minute (which has me stressed by the time I do it), haven't been rating for the swaps that I've received (which is driving the people that sent them crazy), barely been getting the house cleaned (which, again, is causing me stress) and feeling like a complete and utter laze-about.  The only thing I have been doing - and quite a lot of it - is reading.  I finished 5 books in the last week.  (Reviews will be coming.  Promise.)  I have three more going right now.  I've been playing a bit on Facebook and Google +, but even that's leaving me dissatisfied.

I'm sure some of it is the school situation.  Teddy is now out of the house every day, from 7:15 until around 3:45.  It's not something I'm used to.  And Pete started PDO back on Friday.  Throughout the week earlier, I was trying to find things to do with him so he wasn't quite as lonely without his big brother.  But even when he was napping, I napped rather than did things that I felt should have been done.  Rich isn't kicking me for it - of course.  He's a good husband who puts far less on my shoulders than I put on my own.  But I'm kicking me for it.

I'm hoping it's just a brief phase, as I adjust to the changes going on around me.  I have to be aware of the time daily, so I can make sure that I pick Teddy up on time.  I have to be up earlier so I can bring Teddy to the bus stop.  I have to get used to having just Pete to deal with (who is a whirling dervish of his own).  I'm bad with trying to figure out change.  It's not that I don't like it.  It's just that it takes me awhile to adjust to a new normal.

Tomorrow, I have a few hours on my own.  Some of it will be doing online things, like updating my blog, doing my book reviews, writing game posts and taking care of Swap stuff.  Some of it will be cleaning my boys' room, since I need to go through all their toys and throw away the broken ones/give away the ones they don't play with any more.  But much of it will be just enjoying the time on my own.  That, I think, is important. Now that religious education classes have started back up at the church, I will have my alone time for awhile. A time when I don't have to worry about picking anyone up or dropping them off.  A time that is wholly my own.

Trying to get life back to normal

I'm looking forward to Friday.  Not because it's Friday, the beginning of the weekend.  But because I'll finally have a chance to return my life to normalcy. My husband went back to work on Monday.  My nephew (who has been here for two weeks to help out) will be going home.  My kids will be back in PDO and VBS will be over.  It's going to be me and my every day life.

I should really start my planning today, trying to figure out what things need to be a priority.  Because if I wait, it probably won't happen.  I'm a procrastinator galore.  It's part of my make-up.

But one of my priorities will be this blog again.  I need the outlet, and I need to MAKE it an outlet.  I mean, sure... I have my Facebook, but that's mostly for playing games.  And I have Twitter, but I don't pay nearly enough attention to it.  Then I recently started Google+, which will be a great way to keep up with some of my non-family friends and to maybe do a little venting.  But none of these options give a good long-form.  It doesn't give me the chance to be creative with my writing (though my gaming posts do - which is something else I'm hoping to get back to starting Friday).  So my blog will hopefully be at the top of the list.

Right now, though, the top of the list is waking up my nephew to help get the kids ready for PDO while I drink my coffee, change the laundry from washer to dryer and start a new load, and make the kids lunches.  Just another Wednesday morning.

Balance

While looking for the school calendar for this upcoming year (wanting to make sure I get Teddy to school when he needs to be... even though I still can't believe that he's going to be there), I came across the calendar proposals for the upcoming year.  And two of the schedule proposals are balanced calendars.  What is a balanced (or year-round) calendar, you may ask? According to the National Association for Year-Round Education (NAYRA),

The year-round calendar is organized into instructional periods and vacation weeks that are more evenly balanced across 12 months than the traditional school calendar.  The balanced calendar minimizes the learning loss that occurs during a typical three-month summer vacation.

And for all that I loved my summer vacation when I was a kid, as a parent, I agree with the year-round idea instea.  Now, our school system isn't planning on going quite as year round as the NAYRA suggests.  Theirs would balance the fall, winter and spring breaks to about 10 days each, and decrease the summer break by 10 days.  I'm not sure if they're trying to ease things in to an even more balanced calendar eventually or if they're going to try to stick with this.  I think I'd like to see it a little more balanced.  Of course, it has to pass the school board first.  They'll be voting on it in the next couple of weeks, I think.  I know a lot of parents wanting the more balanced route, so I'm really hoping that will be the way things go.

Thinking about the balanced calendar made me think of the balance I need to find in my life again.  The way life has been - my Dad's surgery, my extended stay at his house, Rich's surgery and recovery, Teddy starting school, trying to keep up with housework and my blog and life and... well, everything - balance has been hard to achieve.  I'm still trying to find ways to juggle all of it to keep everything in my head and everything in the air.

So I ask you, those who have your own balance issues to deal with... how do you make it work?  How do you make sure that everything gets done and still have time for yourself as well?

Updates on Life, The Universe and Everything

Life is still continuing to get more and more frustrating.  Things (that I still can't talk about yet) are progressing in directions we'd rather not have them go and I'm just trying to hold on for dear life.  I'm still feeling a bit tossed and turned, but I'm slowly getting a better handle on things.  It's not perfect, but hey... what in life is?

I've realized recently just how much I've missed blogging.  I miss that interaction, that letting things out, that blogging gave me.  I don't know if I'm ready yet to come fully back from hiatus - I still have way too many things to get caught up with before I feel comfortable un-hiatusing (is that even a word?  Probably not), but I know that I have been missing it.  So I may do a bit more hit and miss posting rather than my regular features.  It'll be keeping my hand in.

We finally got our camera back a couple weeks ago (after it unceremoniously decided to take a swim in the washing machine).  I've been taking quite a few pictures lately because of it and I'm pretty proud of some of them.  It's funny, though.  We went from not having any cameras that we could lay our hands on having three. Yep.  Three.  We have the new one that took a swim and then was able to be fixed, the old one that decided to lay low in a seat pocket in the van, and Teddy's new camera that he won at the Easter Egg Hunt.  The only one that's been getting any use has been the Failed Swimmer, but I suspect the other two will be moved into rotation quickly.

I haven't been doing as well keeping up with SparkPeople as I'd like.  Heck, I haven't been as good about keeping up with ANYTHING as I'd like.  Though I am getting caught up on swaps, so that's one good thing.  I've really got to find a method that works for me.  I have my Weekly Chore calendar, and that helps with the chores but actually fitting everything into my schedule for the day... that's where things get rough.  I hate the thought of actually writing a schedule.  Especially since things get FUBARed on a regular basis when I make specific plans.  But I don't know what other choices I have.  If anyone has some great organizational ideas, I'm willing to listen!

I've been up visiting my Dad fairly regularly at the hospital.  He's doing fairly well, and for that, I'm glad.  He's on the rehab floor, which means they're doing everything in their power to get him back up and independent.  He still has some good days and some bad days, but that's to be expected in the early days.  I loaned him our netbook so he can get online while he's there.  He has an Android, but the smaller screen doesn't seem to be working as well for him.  The netbook is still small, but not nearly as small as his phone.  I keep wanting to do more for him, but I don't know what else I could do.  Daughter guilt, I guess.

Tomorrow is supposed to be a great day for me, according to Rich and the boys.  Teddy's been looking forward to Mother's Day for about a month, because he wants to spoil me a bit.  I love my boys!  From what I've been told, I'll be allowed to sleep in as late as I want.  I don't have to do anything if I don't want to.  I'll be having eggs benedict for breakfast (my favorite breakfast).  I'll be having bacon wrapped filets and bay scallops for dinner (which have been in our freezer for a bit, thanks to manager's specials at Kroger).  I'll get to watch Doctor Who and listen to The 39 Clues all day if I want.  It really is going to be my day.  And I'm kind of looking forward to it.  Because I'm going to let everything else go.  All the worries, all the fears, all the frustrations.  Just... poof.  For one day, I'm going to pretend that the world is shiny and bright rather than a little cloudy.

I've got a busy week ahead, but that's par for the course.  The day I'm looking forward to more than any other, though, is Friday.  Teddy will be graduating from PDO.  They've got a ceremony and we get to take pictures... and it's going to really sink in a little further that my baby is starting kindergarten in the fall.  I picked up a graduation card and a neat frame for him.  I'm planning on getting one of the pictures of him in his cap and gown printed and I'll put the frame up in his room.  I know he's pretty excited about it.  I think we all are.

I've got a couple more posts that I want to share tonight, so I'm off to get those posted.  Keep an eye out for Recent Geekery and Recent Photos, coming soon to a Sanity's Overrated near you.  (Though, honestly, it's almost midnight so I should be getting to bed.  But at least I can sleep in tomorrow!)

Late Night Musings

It is now 12:30 am.  I'd been in bed from around 8:30.  I read for awhile.  And I thought I was tired.  But every time I put the book down to try to close my eyes and drift off to sleep, my brain refused to let sleep come.

It's not that I'm running hundreds of thoughts through my mind.  At the moment, my life is in a holding pattern.  There isn't anything I can do about a situation at home until sometime next week.  And since I have a plan of attack, I'm not running it over and over again in my mind.  The end of the month is almost here, which means our monthly influx of cash, in the form of Rich's paycheck, will be on it's way at the end of the week.  I can get through the rest of these days.  And Dad's surgery went well.  I haven't been able to see him, but between what the doctor told me and what his nurse called to tell me tonight, I'm feeling really good about things on that front.  So what is on my mind?  What is keeping me from sleep?

I know that I have four (unfinished) swaps that need to be mailed before the end of the week.  And I need to get those finished up.  But I'm not feeling super time crunch.  I also know that I've got to work on straightening up my apartment so I feel comfortable letting the maintenance guy come in to look at the AC again.  Of course, the immediate fix for that is to turn off the AC and open the windows, because we've had a great breeze making it's way through lately.

I'm a bit worried about myself physically - I did something to wrench my right shoulder so I don't have full range of motion without a lot of pain.  I also managed to twist my ankle a couple weeks ago and it's still hurting, along with the knee that's been giving me trouble since I feel before our trip to the NE for the funeral at the end of February/beginning of March.   These are on top of my usual aches and pains.  But, for all that I know that part of what's keeping me from sleeping is the inability to get comfortable, I'm really not worried about these things.  None of them are completely debilitating and, even though I'm supposed to see my Dr at the end of May, I'm going to try to make an earlier appointment to see her.

No, my brain is just full of too many stories.  Thanks to the long wait at the hospital and the fact that I've chosen a few teen books, I managed to finish 4 books in the last 24 to 28 hours.  The stories are dancing around in my mind, begging me to find out what's next (the two worst offenders being Margaret Peterson Haddix's Found (the first book of her The Missing series) and Heaven is High by Kate Wilhelm, her latest Barbara Holloway novel that has a couple of intriguing supporting cast members in this book that I really want to know more about).  I've got Ghostopolis by Doug TenNapel sitting in front of me, begging to be read.  It probably will be - if only for a little while - before I finally allow myself to succumb to sleep.

I've got thoughts of Blog posts running through my brain - again, a lot that need to come up, and a hope that I'll be able to work on them soon.  Some of it will depend on how regularly I'm home with regular visits to Dad in the hospital.  I need to work on my alphabet.  I have 12 books that need to be reviewed.  I want to get back into my regular writing memes, and I want to write more about the Mom Pledge, contemplating what it means to me, etc.  But tonight really isn't - really shouldn't be - the time for thinking of that.  I know my boys.  They'll be up at the crack of dawn or earlier and they'll want, as Teddy puts it, to "be in the company of an adult downstairs."  Which, since Rich needs to leave at 6:30, leaves me to be woken up as soon as the door shuts behind Daddy.

I think I need to start a personal journal again.  I need to start writing out my day for me - no one else, just me.  Because that may help keep my brain twisted tightly again.  Something should.

With all this, I think I've written myself back to tired.  Amazing how these things work sometimes.  You write because you can't sleep, or talk because you have too much on your mind, and suddenly, even though nothing really feels clearer, it at least feels rested so you can get the rest that you need for mind and body as well.  Getting it out somehow helps a lot.  So now, good night, dear friends.  And thank you for stopping by!

Busy Day Ahead!

Things are starting to come together a bit more, thankfully.  As I posted the other day, things are starting to turn around a bit toward the positive.  Not that everything is all perfectly rosy - life doesn't work that way.  But I'm not looking up to see bottom right now, so I'm counting that as a success.

My next few days are going to be pretty busy, today in particular. Originally, it wasn't supposed to be this hectic today.  But that's what happens when plans get changed.

We've got our usual trip to the library this morning, with several books due and a few waiting to be picked up.  Normally, we don't worry about the time we get there - they're open from 9 to 5 on Saturdays and we don't have filled days so it's not a huge deal.  But this time, we are trying to get there closer to 9:30 or 10.  One of the local churches does a large community Easter Egg hunt every year.  Along with the Easter Egg hunt, they also have a lot of other games and fun, and it all happens at one of the local parks.  We've been going the last several years (it's put on by the church that we used to get Angel Food through) and the kids always have a blast.  They separate the kids into two groups, with the preschoolers doing their egg hunt at 11 or 11:30 and the school aged kids at noon (I think).  Since both the boys are preschool (for the last time... *sniff*), we need to be there for the earlier hunt.  I'm hoping to get plenty of pictures and video to later post here.

From there, we're driving to my Dad's for early Easter.  We had originally planned our family Easter celebration for tomorrow, but my Dad's back surgery got moved from Wednesday to Monday.  And since he won't really be eating much Sunday because of it, we changed the day for our celebration.  My step-brother and his family will be there as well, so it should be a lot of fun for the whole family.  It's been awhile since my boys have been able to play with their cousins, so they're really looking forward to it.

Part of me is tempted to stay at Dad's until 9, so I can commandeer his TV for watching Doctor Who.  But I don't think that's really going to happen.  We still have eggs to dye tonight, and the kids will be up early (if I know them) to find their Easter Baskets. (Which will need to be put together tonight as well.)

Tomorrow, Rich and Teddy will be going to church while Pete and I stay home and do... who knows what.  We don't have much planned beyond that for tomorrow.  It should be a nice, relaxing day.  I'm hoping to get some updates done here, and some of my swaps ready to go as well.  But Monday gets busy again, with an appointment with Rich's doctor at 9, Story Time at 10:30 and then up to the hospital so I can be there for my Dad's surgery.  He'll already have been in for a few hours by the time I get there - even though I'd planned on being there from the beginning - but it's several hours long so I don't expect he'll be out yet.  I just feel better being there.

So... yeah.  Life doesn't seem to slow down much.  But maybe that's for the best.

Such a Long Day

Things are even more up in the air and scary than they were earlier today. I think I'm completely drained. I know I should be in bed right now, getting sleep, but I'm not sure if I can. Maybe I'll sleep on the couch tonight.

I managed to get the two swaps out that needed to go out today. That, at least, is something that went right. I think I'm desperately in need of Thankful Thursday tomorrow.

And thanks to everyone who stopped by earlier to give me their well wishes. I'm going to try, in the next couple of days, to go back and reply. I just don't have the energy tonight. Not sure if I'll have it tomorrow either. but it's got to be a bit better of a chance than right now is.

My blogging plans for tomorrow, since plans might make me feel a bit more in control:

N is for...
O is for...
P is for...
Thankful Thursday.
Maybe a general update. Maybe not. Depends on how the day goes.

For now, maybe bed is the best thing. I'm drained. And I won't do anyone any good if I don't sleep.

This ramble was brought to you by the letter L and the number 11.

I know that I should update, but...

... it's been one of those weeks.  On Wednesday, my husband called me from work to tell me that he was heading to the ER.  He'd had a routine surgery done the previous Friday and he started having complications from it that day.  I waited and worried most of the day - since I couldn't be there because the kids aren't allowed back in the ER.  I couldn't get in touch with him because his cell doesn't work in the hospital.  I had to wait for him to call me.  And it turned out they were keeping him overnight for observation.  The kids and I got stuff together for him once he got a room so we could visit with him.

It seemed like they'd taken care of the complication and he was released on Thursday night.  It was a long night for me, not having him beside me as I slept.  But I was glad he was coming home and, more importantly, well.  He took Thursday off of work to make sure he was 100% before going back to work on Friday.  Of course, his car was still at Vandy so the kids and I had to be up early to drive him to school.  It's been a long few days.

On top of that, I'm trying to finish up a few journals that need to be sent out for swaps.  I love writing in them, but I'm not as good with the "art journaling" portion of journaling.  So that's taken me a bit longer to get through. I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed again, though I'm not sure why.  I've got long dates for most of these swaps.

Tomorrow I'm not going to be having my usual "me" time in the morning. I'm actually going to be going to church with Rich and the boys.  They're doing an Easter Egg hunt after the 10:30 mass and then we'll be going to a friend's party over at one of the local parks.  I'm looking forward to it, but I'm gonna kind of miss my "me" time. Hopefully tomorrow night, I'll be able to get on here and have the brain with which to get some things updated.  Especially because I'm hoping to have some great shots for Silent Sunday.

So... I live.  I work and I've been lacking on the blog front.  But I'm hoping that next week will be better.  Especially since I'm several letters behind in the challenge and I have several books that I need to review. I have been getting a lot of that done, at least.  I've had a lot of away-from-the-computer down time.

Bites of my life

I finally got a couple chairs and a small table for on my front porch.  I'd been wanting one for awhile, and now with the weather nicer and the hopes of getting the boys outside more regularly, it seemed like the perfect time for it.  I can sit and read a book, work on the computer, do some writing... lots of different options while enjoying the sun and light breeze.  I can't wait to try it out.

---

While we were in Target picking out the (very inexpensive) chairs and table for our front porch, we walked through the media area.  Oh, how I wished I had a lot of money!  They are having a lot of sales on various TV shows and movies that seem like fantastic deals to me.  We did end up picking up one DVD - Murder on the Orient Express with David Suchet as Poirot.  I hadn't realized that he had actually made Murder on the Orient Express, so it was a real thrill.  As much as I've enjoyed the Ustinov versions I've seen, Suchet is the definitive Poirot to me.  We've been watching it tonight and... I'm not 100% sure how I feel about this particular version.  It's got several departures from Agatha Christie's original story and I just can't reconcile them in my mind.  I think I need a few more viewings to figure it out.

The extras on the DVD have been excellent, though.  David Suchet is doing a special on traveling on the Orient Express.  He's actually taking the Orient Express himself and I'm really enjoying this part of it a lot.

---

The other day, Teddy had me chuckling.  He asked me if I was a veterinarian.  When I asked him if he knew what a veterinarian was, he told me that it could be two different things.  Either it was someone who worked with animals or it was someone that didn't eat meat.  I then got to explain the difference between a veterinarian and a vegetarian.  Sometimes I forget that he's still young enough to make these mistakes.  I find them endearing.

---

Pete is talking more and more clearly every day.  Today, when we were at the eye doctor's picking out Teddy's new glasses (and I'll be getting pictures of him with his old glasses and then him with his new glasses to put up), we were waiting for the girl at the desk to enter our info into the computer system.  While we were waiting, Teddy started talking to another boy that was there.  And Peter piped up with, "My name ith Pe-ah." Just like I forget that Teddy is as young as he is,I often forget how old Peter is.  I hear him talk every day and it still surprises me.

---

I'm thinking about trying to pre-write more of my entries.  I'd never really thought about doing so before, but I think it'll be the best way to take advantage of some of the thoughts in my head that fit with certain weekly times (or, with the A to Z challenge, with certain letters).  How many of my readers set up posts to post later?Does it work for you?  If so, how many of your posts do you write for later posting?  And why do you chose to set up posts in this way?  For those of you who don't, have you ever considered doing so?  Why have you made the choices that you've made when it comes to your posts?  I'm just curious.

---

And now that it's 11:30, I should head to bed.  Kids have PDO tomorrow and I've got to get them in the tub in the morning, plus make their breakfasts and lunches for the day and make sure I'm ready for some walking. And I'm probably going to do a little reading before bed.  See if I can finish at least one of the books that I'm almost finished with yet. Gotta get some reading in or my day isn't complete.

Good night, dear friends!

Just a general update for now

I'm punting the various posts that I'd planned to update tonight to tomorrow.  A part of me wants to do the A to Z challenge posts, my Feel Good Friday, Swap-Bot Saturday and Silent Sunday, and a bunch of other posts as well.  But then there's the other part of me that's thinking that I'll be a bit more focused tomorrow.  I'm kind of brain dead tonight, plus I'm on the Netbook.  I've gotten used to using the larger screen on the desktop so having so much less space on the Netbook screen makes it harder for me to do a bunch of the things that I want to.  Better to post when I'm in the headspace for it, or so I think.

I'm still doing updates for the blog.  I'm probably going to fiddle with the logo a bit more, since my wonderful friend Kerri pointed out that the colors don't work too well for those with color blindness.  But I don't mind because I've enjoyed fiddling with it.  I think I've gotten everyone updated in my blogroll, but who knows.  I'm also thinking of adding a few more bibs and bobs to the right, though I haven't had a chance to really look through the Blogger widget list yet.  Tomorrow, I hope, I'll be putting a bunch of the blog buttons and links for the weekly blogging prompts and memes into my Challenges Page.  I'm also thinking of putting an About Me page up there as well.  Blogging, like life, is a constant change to keep from getting boring.

This has probably been one of the busiest weekends I've had in a long time.  Yesterday was all the various reading related things and today has been a bunch of out and about things.  I dropped Rich and the boys off at church and ran to Wal-Mart to pick up a few things (which turned into a lot of things).  I needed to get some stencils for one of my swaps, and I needed to get a gift for a friend's son who had a birthday today.   While I was there, I picked up a card for a swap that I'm in, some stickers that I figured I'd find some use for, some clothes for the boys and exercise pants for me, shorts and a shirt for Rich and two new pair of sandals, one for each of the boys.  The problem with them growing so quickly is that they can't rewear anything from last year.  And all the hand-me-downs from Teddy are starting at size 2T because I'd given my 18 month stuff up to friends in need.  Pete may get into 2T and 24 month stuff by summer, but right now he's in 18 month.  And it's been HOT out - yesterday and today were in the 90s.  Tomorrow's supposed to be in the 70s, but it's supposed to rain.  The rest of the week is supposed to be cooler.  But tonight... the low is supposed to be 69.  Thank heavens for AC!

After I picked Rich and the boys up from church (and felt like a complete and utter slob because I was in my work-out clothes), we went over to walk at Mill Creek-Blue Hole Road with the SparkNashville group to walk.  Teddy was up near the front with our friend and leader Camille.  She loves walking with him because he has a 5 year old's energy and he takes off.  He loves walking with her because she's just awesome.  Rich and Pete hung out at the playground while I walked around with Dawn and her beautiful dogs.  Bonny, the other member of the group that shows up at the walks with us, leaves us all in the dust.  Someday, I'm hoping to keep up with her!  I actually walked about 2 miles today and I was BEAT when I finished.  I think it's the longest I've walked since I'd gotten back into exercising.  So I'm not really surprised that I was beat.  Add the heat into that, and I'm surprised I made it that far!  It was good to see everyone, though.  I'm hoping to see them again next week at the next Mayor's Walk.  We'll see how that goes.

We stopped at Olive Garden for lunch and, as per usual, my boys charmed the pants off of the waitstaff.  That's my boys.  One of the guys said about Pete that he's just in love with him. I can't blame him!  The only problem with going to Olive Garden was me trying to walk.  I don't know what I did to my left ankle, but it's hurting.  I was hoping some Advil and rest would help it after I got home, but no such luck.  I came back downstairs after an afternoon nap and had a hard time getting downstairs.  I probably wouldn't have tried to come down if Rich had been home - he had a tutoring job at 5 - but leaving the boys alone downstairs by themselves for a couple hours would have been a major recipe for disaster.

Now that Rich is home and the kids are in bed, I'm sitting in our comfy white chair that's in direct line of the AC register.  Life is good.  So I'm enjoying relaxing, watching Terry Fator (which is one of Teddy's all time favorite DVDs - which reminds me, I need to buy him Winston the Impersonating Turtle for Christmas.  I think he'll be ecstatic!)

I'm trying to decide what to read tonight.  I've got my list of books here that I picked up at the book sale yesterday.  These will get added to my To Read pile eventually.  The pile just keeps getting bigger and bigger...

Anyway, here are the books that I picked up.  I haven't read a lot of them before, so if anyone knows things about them and wants to give me a heads up on their thoughts of them, feel free.




Some of these are old favorites -I've listened to Spell of the Highlander and Acheron, I've read Fractured, The Thirteen Problems and Callahan's Legacy and Our Town is probably my favorite non-musical theatrical production.  Those were wonderful finds. I've heard good things about Lyndsay Sands and the Discworld series, so I figured I couldn't go too far wrong with either of those.  I've read Weis and Hickman before, so I figured I'd probably enjoy Into the Labyrinth.  The Bill Harley CD I got mostly for the boys.  They've been listening to his Town Around the Bend at bedtime (an awesome CD of lullabies they ask for nightly), so I figured this would work well for them.  But some of these others are completely new to me.  I look forward to diving into them!

And now, after I've done lots of chitter chat about everything, I'm thinking bed will be good again.  Wish I had my camera on me, though.  My cat, Lemon, is lying in the middle of the floor, spread out on his back, paws pushed out in four different directions.  He looks incredibly comfy and cute.  I do love my fur baby!

Good night, wonderful readers!  Have a wonderful night's sleep and a great Monday morning!

A day full of... full, and the Saturday Blog Hop!

Today is going to be one incredibly full day.  Quite a bit of time will be spent outside the home.  We've got our usual Saturday trip to the library, along with today's being the monthly book sale there (of which this is also one of their 1/2 price sales, so I'm hoping to get lots of goodies).  This afternoon, we've got the 11th Annual Family Literacy Day sponsored by Belmont University. As I mentioned previously, this is something we've been going to for the last couple of years and we really, really enjoy it.  I think Even Pete is ready to really enjoy it this year.  I can't wait to see what books they pick out at the end of it all.  I've got a couple errands to run as well (like going to the store) so we probably won't be back until later in the evening.

I'm hoping to get quite a bit of blogging done today, as well as make a couple additions to the blog as a whole that I was hoping to make.  I was far too tired to do my A to Z Challenge post or my Feel Good Friday post yesterday, let alone the book reviews that I needed to do.  So my hope is to get those finished today so I can feel like I'm a bit caught up.

I have done one thing online already today - joined the Saturday Blog Hop through The Mom Pledge.  For any new readers that haven't already taken the Mom Pledge, this is a cause that I believe very firmly in.  It was started by Elizabeth at The Writer Revived in an effort to make people aware of Mommy Blogger Bullying - the tendency for some Mommy Bloggers to berate, stalk, or in any other way bully mom's that they don't agree with.  Being online, it gives a lot of moms a sense of powerlessness because they can't actually face their attacker.  The Mom Pledge was created for Moms to not only be made aware of this problem and spread the word, but to try to help each other out when we see bullying occurring.  I have often said that I've been very lucky when it comes to online bullying in my blog - I've had fantastic commenters who, even if they don't agree with something that I post, don't manage to sling mud here.  But I know that I'm lucky in that aspect.  Not all Mommy Bloggers are - particularly those who make non-traditional choices.  So I do my best to support not only the Mom Pledge but as many of the bloggers that have taken the pledge already.

The Saturday Blog Hop is a great chance to find new blogs.  And there area all kinds of posters on these blogs - those that post continual wit, those that are incredibly honest, those that like to post a lot of pictures, those who like to write mainly words.  There are moms who state who they and their families are openly and others that are more circumspect.  Some will post humorous tidbits, others will do daily or weekly memes, and still others will post like a traditional journal, commenting about their day.  And there are several (myself included) who do a little of everything.  So check out some of the blogs below.  As more bloggers enter their info, the blog roll will update.  So come back to the Blog Hop Page often to see what other blogs you can enjoy! (Since I haven't been able to figure out how to get the code to add the hop here.... I blame it on tiredness.)

Wildcard Wednesday - A Full Day, Indeed

Last night, I actually wrote out a schedule for myself.  With times and everything.  I wasn't married to it, because I know that things happen and you have to be adaptable.  There were only a few hard and fast things in there that had to be done at the time that I'd written down (school, appointment, kids' bedtime).  I had a fair amount of "extra" time built in that I planned for working on swaps or on my blog or just kicking back and relaxing.  And I even thought I would be ahead of the game when I woke up an hour earlier than I'd expected.

That right there should have shown me that my schedule would be pretty much shot for the rest of the day.

See, I figured, "Hey, I'm awake early.  I know that I'm going to be walking later, but I do want to get in some pilates or yoga, so I think I'll pop that DVD and get a workout done before I need to get the kids ready for school."  Only I did something to my hip and back yesterday or last night.  No idea what, because I felt fine when I went to bed.  It was the middle of the night that I woke up with pain in my left hip and in my lower back. But, trying to be the optimist that I want to be, I thought that working out might help it - you know, get those muscles used to working out regularly, not give any slack.  And that was great.  Until I tried to lift my leg more than 4 inches off the floor.  The pain came back.  It wasn't the, "Hey, these muscles are a bit stiff" kind of pain.  It was the "AAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGG!" kind of pain when you know that something just isn't right.

I didn't want to forgo my workout, but I figured it would be better for me to do that than possibly damage things further.  I'd take ibuprofen during the day, lay on the heating pad before bed and hope that everything felt better tomorrow.  And I started getting some work done on the computer.  I started putting my Daily Planning Book together (swaps I'm in, daily schedule page, exercise goals I'm going for, cleaning schedule, blog writing schedule... anything I need to know on a daily basis) and that's when I found out I was out of black ink.  Thankfully, red looks really good where the black was supposed to be.  I even impressed myself by not allowing myself to get TOO sucked in to things online, so I still had time to get the boys' lunches made, get them dressed and get them out the door on time.  Go me!

I also knew that I was going to have less time for my errands and the like than usual today.  Teddy's eye appointment was at 1:45 and I wanted to get the kids from PDO before they napped, so I only had until around noon to get things done.  First was a trip to Wal-Mart with my friend Becca, where I spent more than I'd expected to on things I needed.  That wasted a good hour or so.  Back home, I threw a load of laundry in the wash and sat down to start reading through my Feed Squares.  And, of course, as I start reading through all the wonderful posts, I start seeing things that my readers might be interested in.  So I started my links post from earlier today.

I only got through about 1/4 of my reading (and writing three things I wanted to point my readers toward) when I had to go pick up the kids.  I knew we were going to be early, so I made sure we stopped by one of the local parks.  Fannie Mae Dees Park is close to Vandy's campus, which is where Teddy's appointment was located.  Teddy immediately made a couple of friends, and Pete immediately followed them around like a puppy.  I'd meant to bring my camera to get some shots of the kids but of course, I managed to leave it home.  Trying to get the kids to leave when we had to go for the appointment was it's usual begging of "Just a few more minutes?  PLEASE?" and my insistence that we couldn't be late for the appointment.  Peter tried to give me a heart attack when he tried to climb down a rock outcropping wall (I had visions of him falling down and cracking his head open on a rock.)  So Hefty Mama that I am, I climbed up to stop him from climbing down and had him hold my hand as we walked down the (much safer) stairs.

Waiting at Teddy's Eye Doctor was as painless as usual.  Being a Children's office, there are plenty of kids for the boys to pal around with.  Today, however, almost all the kids were glued to The Incredibles playing on Disney.  No problems here.  I was watching it too.  While I was working on some of my swaps.

We ended up being there a lot longer than we'd expected, and I ended up having a very sad Teddy at the end of the visit.  He's having problems seeing again out of his left eye.  His doctor thinks we took the patch off too soon, so we're going back to patching him.  He's got to have his right eye patched all day for 4 weeks, then 1/2 a day for 4 weeks.  We're going back in June and, depending on how that visit goes, he'll go down to a couple hours a day, but we're going to keep that up for a good long time.  Teddy hates the patch.  He cries whenever we need to put it on him.  So my heart was breaking for my little boy.  He thought he was done with it and now he's got to go back to the beginning.

I had the doctor write me a script for his glasses again - his script didn't change that much, but I want to get him new glasses since his brother has bent these all out of shape (we're on the 3rd set of frames already).  Then I told the boys we could head to the store if they wanted.  Teddy had said he wanted to buy a surprise for me, and since he was already disappointed, I figured I'd do a little cheering up for him.  Plus, I had to buy eye patches again since we'd used them up the last time.

Even though Target was a bit frustrating, I found quite a few good deals and managed to come out with my boys somewhat happy.  Each of the boys got a $1 pinwheel that we put in the front yard when we got home.  Then I found a Phineas and Ferb DVD that we didn't own for $10.  I found a really cool Pokemon mini-album for Teddy for $2, and a Ferb bobblehead for Rich.  And, of course, I ended up with happy kids. It took me awhile to find the eye patches - they keep them behind the pharmacy counter there - but when I did, I told Teddy that I'd help spruce them up a bit.  We're going to put stickers on them to make it a bit cooler.

I had a wonderful find when we got home and got the mail.  Well, actually a couple wonderful things.  One was a package from Amazon that we had purchased on Gold Box (VHS to DVD 5.0 Deluxe).  I'm hoping we'll have time to try it out next week.  The other was a postcard from one of my swap partners.  I love getting mail.

The kids and I had our dinner, then went to play a couple of games together.  Toy Story 3 Yahtzee and The Very Hungry Caterpillar Card Game.  Both are games that even Pete can play.  He needs a bit of help when it comes to choosing which dice to keep or which cards to put out, but he loves shaking the dice and being a part of things.  And I love letting him.

Once we finished the games, the boys started watching Phineas and Ferb and I dove back into my blog reading and posting.  I took a brief break at 8:30 to put them to bed and read them stories (and as a special treat, read to them on my bed instead of on their floor).  Then I tucked them in, gave them kisses and came back downstairs to keep working.

One of the things that has surprised me most today has to do with my walking.  I didn't work out because I wanted to not overdo it with my hip. And yet when I look at my pedometer tonight, it is registering 9146 steps.  Most days, I make right around 5000.  When I've been out walking at the park, I make between 6000 and 7500.  Today, when I didn't go out to exercise, I hit my highest numbers ever since I started tracking.  It doesn't make sense to me.

Of course, I'm also hitting other high numbers that I don't want to be - my weight.  And I'm honestly not understanding it.  I'm walking at least a mile a day.  I'm trying to get in extra steps by parking further away and going up and down stairs more regularly.  I've been trying to eat less, and what I do eat, I'm trying to make sure is healthier.  I'm trying to drink more water.  And instead of watching my numbers go down, I'm watching them go up.  I'm heavier than I was when I started trying to lose weight back in September.  I'm heavier than I was when I wasn't dieting and exercising.  And I'm getting more than a bit discouraged.  Not enough to pull me off of the wagon, but enough to wonder why in the hell I can't seem to lose this weight.  If I didn't know better, I'd stop eating all together.  But I know that starts a whole other set of problems.  So all I can do is keep plugging away and PRAY that my weight goes down soon.  Because, emotionally, watching it go up totally sucks.

And now, having finished my posting for today, I'm heading to bed for (hopefully) a good night's sleep.  Tomorrow will be more blog posting (including introducing you to some more wonderful Swappers for a Blog Swap that I'm a part of), another trip to the park to walk with the boys (or so I hope) and enjoying having my husband home for the evening.

Sleep well, all my wonderful friends.