New Year's Resolutions

Okay, so there's still a few weeks left until 2014 is a thing of the past.  And honestly, I'm not really "resolving" to do and not do these things.  It's more like goals that I'm hoping to make happen over the next year.  And some of them, I'm hoping to start before the year is over.

Yeah, I'm rambling.  I figure why not jump back into my blog in typical "Amber" style.

Anyway, it's Monday, I feel like making a list and this is the one I'm going to make.  So here we go!

1. Update my blog at least 3 times a week - I'd love to update it daily, but that's asking the impossible.  Yeah, Pete's in school now (and has been for a few months) and, in theory, that should mean I have more time on my hands.  Instead, I feel more brain frazzled than before.  So 3 times a week, and trying for more actual updates than memes that only require me to write one or two things.  That sounds plausible - at least until the end of January when I forget and my blog goes dormant once more.
2. Take more pictures - I realized how badly I'd fallen down on the job this year when I really had to scrape to find enough pictures for our yearly calendars.  (The best gift we've ever come up with, year after year.)  You'd think with a digital camera, a smart phone and a tablet with a camera that I would have had MORE pictures.  Nope.  So this year, that's gotta change.  I don't want another year of just finding pictures of the back of the kids' heads everywhere.
3. Actually review some books - I love to read.  Always have.  And I love sharing what I've read.  But for some reason, I have this mental block about actually DOING it.  I've even got my reading blog out there that should be the perfect vehicle for it.  But do I ever make time to sit down and do my reviews?  Nope.  Instead, I end up sitting at the computer playing game after game of Bingo and feeling like I'm doing nothing with my life.  So this one kinda goes with the blogging thing.
4. Make up a cleaning schedule and STICK TO IT - We moved to a new apartment at the end of October and I refuse to let it get to the state the old apartment was.  So far, I've been doing a (semi) decent job of not letting things get too bad.  But I don't ever want to get to that point either.  So I'm going to try some FLYing, some of my own stuff, remembering the use the white board to update chores that need to be done and by who.  Because I can do this!
5. Have all the boxes unpacked by summer - Ideally, I'd love to have them unpacked before the first of the year, but I'm trying to be a realist here.  I may want to get my house in perfect shape, looking great and having a place for everything, but life happens and I'm naturally indolent.  I can only push myself so far with things.  So by summer... yeah, that's possible.

There are more things that I want to resolve, I'm sure.  Less time on the computer.  More time with my family.  More exercise and more focusing on me.  But it's good to start small and add rather than overwhelm myself now and set myself up for failure.

Grrr frustration and annoyance

Anyone that's tried to stop by my blog in the last couple of hours or so has probably been scratching their head wondering what the hell was going on and why they couldn't comment.  Quite simply, it's because I'm an idiot.  I tried making some changes to my blog, and then when I did so, I lost my IntenseDebate Commenting software.  (This is why I liked the widget so much better than having to mess with the template.)  Then, even when I tried to update the style I wanted, I STILL couldn't get comments to work.  So now I've got a slightly different design - and one that (hopefully) be tweaked a little as time goes on.  But I'm definitely looking for any feedback on the slightly new look and/or anyone that may know how to make the dynamic view work with IntenseDebate - since Dynamic is what I was ultimately looking for.

Anyway, I'm fed up with it for tonight, so I'm going to think more about it tomorrow.  Or Saturday.  Or maybe even Sunday when Rich and the boys are at church.  Some time that is not now.

Now, I'm going to bed.  G'night, all!

Sunday's Stream of Consciousness

I was sitting down here, trying to do my Sunday Support post and realized that I don't really have anything that I need support for.  Or rather, I do, but I'm feeling strangely reticent.  I guess some of it is because I get a lot of it out one Wednesdays when I do Shell's Pour Your Heart Out.  So I'm trying to think of something else I can do on Sundays - I don't have as much to post, meme-wise, on Sunday.  And I want something to make people come back on Sundays.  I'll have to think about it over the next week and see if I can figure out something.  Maybe I'll stick with a stream of consciousness like I'm doing today.

For all that I dropped the ball on a few things this week, it's been an amazing week for me here at Sanity's Overrated.  I've seen a lot of new people stop by my blog with a lot of interesting thoughts and comments.  I've seen new followers (Hi there!) and followed a few people back.  It's helped bolster my mood a lot.  Thank you, everyone.

Speaking of my blog, I'm trying to figure out replying to comments.  As much as I'd like to respond as soon as I get them, it's not always practical.  But I don't want to wait and reply once a week like I managed to do this past week.  I'm going to aim for once a day, but it may end up being 3 or 4 times a week. Bloggers, how do you handle incoming comments to your blogs?  I'm still in the process of shaping this blog to be what I want it to be, so please bear with me as I do.

I spent far more time in my brace this week than I wanted to.  It's so incredibly uncomfortable!  I'm not hurting at all today, so I'm hoping I'll be ok from here on out.  Both my PT sessions seemed to go fairly well and I'm keeping up with my exercises at home.  So maybe.... just maybe I'll be able to quit PT soon and get my mornings back!

I've got to figure out the best time for me to be online and the best time for me to be working on other things.   I'm finding I'm spending too much time doing online things and not enough doing offline things.  I think if I could prep a few things before hand, things that I don't necessarily need to be online to to do.  For example, this morning, I wrote out my meal plan, my soft schedule for next week, and several ideas for my personal challenges on paper.  It was a lot easier to just type up when I did get on the computer.  Also, if I used more of my time at night going through my e-mail and Reader stuff on my Kindle, it might make it a little less time.  Then I can focus on the blog posts when I'm online and have it take less time.  We'll see.  And it is giving me an idea for a challenge question.  We'll have to see how this goes.

In some ways, I love the mental state that I'm in and in others, I hate it.  See, I have a TON of ideas going through my head right now.  Things I want to do on the blog.  Things I want to do around the house.  Things I want to write about.  Ways I want to exercise.  Etc, etc, etc. And it's great, because I'm thinking of all these things!  But there's the impatient part of me that wants them all nownownow.  And there aren't enough hours in the day for that.  I think I'm going to start keeping my notebook around so I can write them down when  they come to me.  Anything to help the flow, y'know.

I really need to get off the computer for now.  I've still got exercising to do.  I picked up a Pilates DVD yesterday at the library and my husband, whether he knows it or not, is going to be doing Pilates with me in a little while.  Gotta grab my water and go!  Have a great Sunday, all!

When the weather gets a little warmer and my ankle
gets a little better, I'm going to start walking by here again.  It's one
of the local parks and I absolutely love the trails there.

Friday Fragments

This is the first time I'm participating in this wonderful meme at half-past kissin' time.  (Click on the picture and you'll be taken to her site.)  I've got a lot of fragments running through my mind right now, so this is the perfect time for it.

• When I got out of my funk and started checking out my blog again late yesterday (yep, the mood from Wednesday kinda bubbled over into yesterday too), I found a wonderful surprise.  The wonderful people who host Thirsty for Comments Thursdays (and that would be Acting Balanced, Silver Faeries and Dragonflies, Thoughts 'n Such, Crazed Mama and Touristic) honored me my making Sanity's Overrated the featured blog for the day/week.  They even linked me up in the top link-up spot.  Thank you, guys.  You really helped turn my mood around with that!
  
• Yesterday, we got news that relieved a little of my stress.  University of Phoenix offered my husband another class.  He's been working for them as a second job for the last couple of years.  It's been pretty steady work, giving him a 5 week class or two to teach pretty close to constantly.  But for some reason, the last couple months have dried up.  He had one class through September, but nothing new seemed to be on the horizon.  Now it is.  And today, he got another class to start around the end of the time of the one from yesterday.  It's taking a HUGE weight off my mind.
• I had a DUH moment the other day.  I was coming into the living room where the boys were watching the pilot episode of Planet Sheen. There was a seen where Sheen was introducing the king of the planet he crash-landed on to the monkey (who is far more intelligent than Sheen, but then, who isn't?) that had crashed there many years before.  He said something like, "This is Nesmith.  He's a monkey, but we call him an ape."  And it was only then that I put together those two facts along with the fact that Nesmith wore a wool hat to realize the homage that was being paid (for those that may not catch it either, Mike Nesmith was a member of The Monkees and he wore a signature wool hat in the show).  And I could have slapped myself for it.  I've been a big fan of the Monkees since the mid-80s when they did their first reunion tour, and I missed this completely obvious reference.  And I don't have the excuse of it being the first time I watched the show.  No.  I've seen, in part or in whole, at least a dozen episodes where the info was right in front of my face.  Yeah.  Sometimes I'm a little slow.
• I took a big step last Sunday and played a few games of Pokemon with people that were NOT in my family.  It wasn't as scary as I thought it would be.  I may do the same on Sunday... or I may shop at Goodwill for Halloween Costumes.
• Speaking of Halloween, I wish my boys would make up their minds.  First Teddy wanted to be the Hulk.  Now he wants to be Ash from Pokemon.  I'm actually ok with him being Ash because I've got a lot of the things for that already.  Though now he's talking about being one of the gym leaders.  Pete keeps bouncing between Pikachu (which would be easiest because, unlike Teddy, he still fits in last year's costume), Panpour and Tepig. I told them they needs to make up their minds this weekend.  I'm going to Goodwill to look for things to make their costumes on Sunday.
• I'm catching another cold.  Or maybe the same one wasn't as dormant as I thought.  I'd gotten over the scratchy throat, the stuffy nose and the cough sometime in the middle of me getting the flu.  But last night, the stuffy nose came back and this morning, the scratchy throat is.  Time to start pounding the zinc!
• I'm so grateful that the boys have found a love for Pokemon.  While it does often get tiring to hear about Pokemon constantly, they've found a great community in our local league, with everyone being supportive of everyone else.  And they're also learning the right way to act when a game is over, with a handshake and a "good game".  It amazes me when I hear the two of them playing a game in the other room and then, without prompting, I heard, "Good game."  And not just from Teddy, but Peter too.  Now if I can get them to work that attitude into the rest of their lives....
• I'm thinking of starting a weekly meme.  Just a fun little thing to do and, hopefully, get others to join in the fun.  I was going to start it today (it will be called, tentatively "Friday Favorites") but I haven't had a chance to build a button for people to snag for the hopping.  So I'm hoping next week will be a little calmer, both in terms of stress levels and things I need to do.  But watch this space for a new meme!
• Finally, I had to buy a webcam today for something Rich needed it for,  It's the first one I've had in... probably 5 years or so.  It's so much smaller than I'm used to!  But I am hoping that, having it hooked up to the desktop, I may be able to start doing some vlogging once in awhile too.

Thanks for stopping by and reading the fragments of my mind.  If you're interested in more fragments, head on over!

The Mom Pledge Blog Prompt - Disagreements

If I'd actually been able to post in May, this is the Blog Prompt that I would have written about:

"I will welcome differing opinions when offered in a respectful, non-judgmental manner. And will treat those who do so in kind." How do you react when someone disagrees with your point of view? Do you expect all comments on your blog to support your decisions or opinions?

I'll be the first to admit it.  I can be overly sensitive.  I don't take criticism well.  I'm trying to get better about it, but I have my moments when being told that I'm wrong hurts.  And I've cried a lot of tears because of that criticism.  (Which often causes more tears because I'm angry at myself for getting so upset.)  It's embarrassed me at jobs and in businesses.  And I hate that aspect of my personality.

But at odds with that, I also try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt.  Unless I'm feeling depressed and convinced that everyone hates me, I like to think that people are generally good and not purposefully trying to hurt my feelings.  So I may get upset, especially when someone challenges a strongly held belief of mine, but I eventually understand that it wasn't meant to be hurtful.

The world of the written word enhances both aspects of my personality.  Because with the written word, you can't always tell if someone's tongue is firmly in their cheek or if they really are intending to be snarky or mean.  I try to give people the benefit of the doubt, but sometimes I need to clarify.

Despite all of the above, I actually do like to hear differing opinions, as long as they are posed intelligently and respectfully.  I know that my way isn't the only way.  I know that some others have found other things that work better for them.  And maybe their ways will work for me too.  More often than not, it's someone wanting to share their experience more than someone trying to tell me that I'm wrong in my opinion or my choice.

I do my best to understand others opinions, and to welcome them.  Strange as it may sound, given what I've written above, I really do enjoy a good debate.  And I try really hard to welcome others opinions, ideas and suggestions.  I may not always succeed, but I doubt that you'd notice it if I didn't.

Because I've also been around for quite some time and I've learned never to reply in anger.  With the written word, you have time to choose how you want to say something.  And shooting something off quickly rarely ends well.  So I take my time to think about what I have to say when I'm hurt or angry and then form my reply.  And if I can't think of any way to keep the snark out of my reply, I remember one important lesson from childhood.

If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.

The Mom Pledge Blog Prompt - Many Paths

I'm a few months behind on the Mom Pledge Blog Prompts.  So I'm hoping to catch up over the next couple of days.

I wrote about the first prompt, Integrity, at the end of March.  This one is about allowing others to follow their own paths.  the prompt is this:

"There is no one, "right" way to be a good Mom. Each woman makes the choices best for her family." Is this difficult or easy for you to accept? Why? Has taking The Mom Pledge changed how you view the choices of other moms?

Allowing others to follow their own path has always been easy for me to accept.  It's my general outlook on life, so bringing it into Mommyhood was natural.  I know that some of my choices may not be the ones that others would have chosen for themselves - things like my decision to allow my kids to watch TV, be on the computer and play video games from a young age.  (They've all been learning tools for my kids.  They've also helped spark their imagination - which can be viewed by anyone watching Teddy and Peter have a Pokemon battle.)  Just as there are others who have made choices that I wouldn't adopt for my own family.  (An example, co-sleeping.  I prefer to give my husband and I privacy in our bed and my boys a space of their own in their bedroom.)  So this is a mantra that I've been living for longer than I've been a mom.

What the Mom Pledge has done for me isn't changing how I view the choices of other moms, but expanding my view of the roads that other moms have taken.  Before I got into the Mommy-Blogging community, I knew about some of the hot-button issues - breast vs formula, TV vs no TV, co-sleeping vs independent sleeping.  But I've been introduced to a world where ALL choices made for kids are unique.  A friend I was talking to told me about a mom that she knew that allowed her kids to color all over their walls.  They felt it was a way to express their creativity and the mom didn't want to stifle that creativity.  It's not a choice that I'd make (I'm in an apartment, so it's not a good idea anyway) but I applaud the mom for doing so.

Seeing this wider world through the eyes of the other moms has also given me ideas of how to deal with my own kids, how to help my own family be the best that they can be.  In seeing choices that I'd never considered, I'm finding ways to adapt my own parenting, trying to find something that works.  Because even something that I think works fine can always be open for improvement.

For the moms out there that have been bullied by others, remember this: YOU are the one that has to walk along your path.  YOU are the one that needs to deal with your own families idiosyncrasies and find the best way to do that.  And until someone is in exactly the same situation that you are, with exactly your kids and your husband (or doing it on their own) and family and friends and lifestyle and... you get the picture.  Until someone is standing in your shoes, they have no say in how you choose to be a family.  And don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Hoping for a restart

The last couple of months have been more than a bit hectic.  Between doctors appointments, procedures, kids graduating from PDO, month-long stays at my Dad's, housework, Summer PDO, the need for new breaks on the van and a host of other things, it's no wonder my head is spinning and I haven't been around.

I don't think things are going to be slowing down any over the next month either.  The cleaning still needs to be done.  The kids are in Summer PDO, so that will be 2 days a week.  The van is going in tomorrow for the work that it needs.  Teddy will be doing Vacation Bible School starting Sunday night.  I've got tons of worries about my Dad.  Rich is going in for surgery on June 21st.  And somehow, I'm going to stay sane through it all.

Now that I'm back home, though, I'm hoping to get back on track with blog posts.  I've missed writing them.  I've missed being a part of the network of bloggers that I've come to get to know.  I've missed sharing what's happening in my life and finding out what's going on in the lives of others.  So, here's my intention to get back into the saddle and start blogging again.  I suspect it's something I'm going to need, considering everything that will be happening over the next several months.  But that's ok.  Because I've got this outlet and that works just fine.

Kiwi's Blogger Follower Swap #5

I don't have a lot of time to update right now - we've got a very full medical day planned.  But I do want to introduce you to the people that will (hopefully) be commenting here.  I've joined another Blogger Follower Swap, and my new followers will be posting a comment here to let me know they've stopped by.  Welcome to my new readers!  And I can't wait to get to know all of you!

Bites of my life

I finally got a couple chairs and a small table for on my front porch.  I'd been wanting one for awhile, and now with the weather nicer and the hopes of getting the boys outside more regularly, it seemed like the perfect time for it.  I can sit and read a book, work on the computer, do some writing... lots of different options while enjoying the sun and light breeze.  I can't wait to try it out.

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While we were in Target picking out the (very inexpensive) chairs and table for our front porch, we walked through the media area.  Oh, how I wished I had a lot of money!  They are having a lot of sales on various TV shows and movies that seem like fantastic deals to me.  We did end up picking up one DVD - Murder on the Orient Express with David Suchet as Poirot.  I hadn't realized that he had actually made Murder on the Orient Express, so it was a real thrill.  As much as I've enjoyed the Ustinov versions I've seen, Suchet is the definitive Poirot to me.  We've been watching it tonight and... I'm not 100% sure how I feel about this particular version.  It's got several departures from Agatha Christie's original story and I just can't reconcile them in my mind.  I think I need a few more viewings to figure it out.

The extras on the DVD have been excellent, though.  David Suchet is doing a special on traveling on the Orient Express.  He's actually taking the Orient Express himself and I'm really enjoying this part of it a lot.

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The other day, Teddy had me chuckling.  He asked me if I was a veterinarian.  When I asked him if he knew what a veterinarian was, he told me that it could be two different things.  Either it was someone who worked with animals or it was someone that didn't eat meat.  I then got to explain the difference between a veterinarian and a vegetarian.  Sometimes I forget that he's still young enough to make these mistakes.  I find them endearing.

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Pete is talking more and more clearly every day.  Today, when we were at the eye doctor's picking out Teddy's new glasses (and I'll be getting pictures of him with his old glasses and then him with his new glasses to put up), we were waiting for the girl at the desk to enter our info into the computer system.  While we were waiting, Teddy started talking to another boy that was there.  And Peter piped up with, "My name ith Pe-ah." Just like I forget that Teddy is as young as he is,I often forget how old Peter is.  I hear him talk every day and it still surprises me.

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I'm thinking about trying to pre-write more of my entries.  I'd never really thought about doing so before, but I think it'll be the best way to take advantage of some of the thoughts in my head that fit with certain weekly times (or, with the A to Z challenge, with certain letters).  How many of my readers set up posts to post later?Does it work for you?  If so, how many of your posts do you write for later posting?  And why do you chose to set up posts in this way?  For those of you who don't, have you ever considered doing so?  Why have you made the choices that you've made when it comes to your posts?  I'm just curious.

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And now that it's 11:30, I should head to bed.  Kids have PDO tomorrow and I've got to get them in the tub in the morning, plus make their breakfasts and lunches for the day and make sure I'm ready for some walking. And I'm probably going to do a little reading before bed.  See if I can finish at least one of the books that I'm almost finished with yet. Gotta get some reading in or my day isn't complete.

Good night, dear friends!

It's a Wash

At least, that's the way I'm feeling about writing my Feel Good Friday, Swap-Bot Saturday, Silent Sunday and (possibly) Memories Monday posts.  I just don't have the mental energy for it right now.  To be honest, I think I'm coming down with the flu.  Aches everywhere, hot then cold, general ick.  Just what I need right now.  Joy.

I am happy with how my last three A to Z Challenge posts came out, though.  I kind of put myself on autopilot and went from there.  But they were heartfelt posts, and that's some of the most important parts of writing for me.

I get my husband on Monday nights again!  The student that he'd been tutoring on Mondays is doing pretty well on his own, so the family has decided to discontinue tutoring.  While it will be a little less of a check coming from his tutoring company, making the student able to "get" their subject is a great thing.  And I get a chance to have him home those evenings - at least for now.  Probably through the summer.  And Rich has been picking up extra tutoring for some of his students because of SATs and finals looming in the future. Plus he's been getting offered regular classes at University of Phoenix.  All pluses for the income, since there hasn't been much out there for me.

I think I'm going to spend the afternoon on the couch, reading.  It's about the level of energy I have at the moment.  And maybe I'll start that now...

Check out these Blog posts!

As I posted the other day, I'm trying to find new things to liven up my blog.  Some of you may notice the new commenting system that I implemented.  I'm hoping that it will encourage me (and you) to have conversations in comments about the things you read or see here.  The comments are tiered with replies rather than everything being on the same level.  It's easier to tell who is replying to whom.

Another one of the things that I wanted to do was share some of the great blog stories that I find among the many blogs that I read.  And that's what today is for.  I'm probably going to do this every other day or so.  Starting with today.

And away we go!

Guest Post about Cyber Bullying on The Mom Pledge - Elizabeth asked Andrea Weckerle to guest post for her on The Mom Pledge blog.  Andrea is the founder of Civilination, a non-profit resource for online civil discourse. Andrea is also an attorney and can speak to the legal ramifications of cyber-bullying.  In this post, Andrea tries to define what is and is not cyber-bullying for the reading public.

 The A to Z Challenge - You know me.  I love challenges.  I may not always be able to follow THROUGH with them, but I certainly try.  This challenge is set up for bloggers to post every day, minus Sundays, in the month of April.  Each daily post should involve a different letter of the alphabet, but where and how you incorporate it or chose to interpret it is up to you.  I'm hoping to get a couple posts done tonight then be ready to join in tomorrow.


Paradoxical Paint Job - I love optical illusions.  The way they trick and tease the mind.  The blog, Mighty Optical Illusions is one of my favorites to read regularly because I never know what great illusions may be waiting for me.

Just a few for today.  I hope you enjoy reading them.  And please, feel free to reply with some of your favorite blog posts of the week!

Things I'd love to do here

I love reading other blogs, particularly parenting and crafting blogs. I love reading product reviews and entering giveaways (the latest, a great one for any potty-training parent like myself, is over at Our Ordinary Life and is a giveaway for a Sesame Street 1-2-3 Learn With Me Potty).  I'd love to get into product reviews  and give giveaways, but I'm not quite sure how to get started with that.  I've signed up with BzzAgent, but I suspect that it'll be awhile before I start getting anything regularly to review through them.  Especially since I'm not one that wears makeup and that's a lot of what they have up there right now.  And I'd give away things here but I don't have a ton of money to do so.  If anyone has ideas for how I can start with these kinds of things (and doing ARC reviews are something I think would fit well into this blog well), I'm always up for suggestions.

I'm also thinking of trying a daily or weekly "Great things I've read" link-up.  I read a lot of blogs on a daily basis and find great things like giveaways, reviews, advice, stories, etc.  I want to try to start sharing them.  More time in front of the computer?  Maybe not the best thing in the world.  But if I have these "must dos" that I'm planning on, then maybe I'll spend less time futzing around.

I'll be honest.  I'd love to have a popular blog.  I'd love to have regular commenters and people sharing their own stories or thoughts.  I'd love to get answers to questions I pose.  I'd like to have something engaging enough that I could use for a weekly link-up or blog hop.  I'd like to know that people are reading what I write.  I don't feel like I'm getting any of that much lately.

Now, that doesn't mean I'll stop blogging.  Not everyone can turn their blog into a thousand-reader-a-day blog.  I understand that.  And I've always got hope that I'll be entertaining to SOME people, at least.  Plus, a lot of the time I AM writing for me.  I've got thoughts and feelings I want to get out.  I've got memories I want preserved somewhere.  I want to keep track of things that I'm doing and writing them down helps me do that.  It's a help for me.

But there's still enough of me that's the insecure girl of my youth that wants to be liked.  And there's still the cruel part of myself that whispers that having no comments means one of three things: no one is reading, people don't care what I write, and/or people are following the "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all" adage.  Yep.  I still seem to have a few self-esteem issues.  I'm trying to work on those.

I've got to remember that I'm still finding my place with this blog, and I'm still tweaking it.  So... keep an eye here if you like to read what I write.  Share what I write with others if you think it's interesting.  Tweet it, link it on FB, pass it along in your own blog.  Things here will continue to evolve and change, just like I do every day.

The Mom Pledge Blog Prompt - Integrity

I am very committed to the ideals of The Mom Pledge.  As I wrote back on the 18th, I think it's very important to not just say the pledge and let it be that.  While I won't say that I go out of my way looking for bullies, but if I come across one I will NOT let it stand uncontested.  No one should be afraid to post in their own space.

In an effort to keep The Mom Pledge in the forefront of our minds, the founder of The Mom Pledge, Elizabeth Flora Ross, has come up with new content to help us keep getting the word out.  Starting next Saturday, there will be a Blog Hop every week.  It's a great way to get to know other Mommy Bloggers, make some friends and get to know your sisters-in-bloggerhood.  The other feature that she started was a monthly prompt to get us thinking and posting about the Mom Pledge.  While the list that she has on the blog are supposed to be taken in order, if you want to change it up, you're welcome to.  And the prompts aren't labeled by month so you can start at the beginning whenever you jump in.  Me, I'm starting today.

The first prompt that has been given involved integrity.

"I am a proud mommy blogger. I will conduct myself with integrity in all my blogging activities. I can lead by example." What does integrity mean to you?

For me, integrity is living up to your ideals as closely as you can.  We all have moments of weakness - it's what makes us human.  We all have the snarky thoughts that run through our mind when we read or see something that we don't agree with.  I know I've been guilty of it.

But integrity is what we DO about those thoughts.  Integrity is recognizing the thoughts as snark and not putting them to paper, electrons or lips.  Integrity is trying, for just a moment, to put yourself in someone else's shoes.  Integrity is practicing what you preach.

The world is made up of different people with different ideals.  I think it is our duty, particularly as parents, to accept those differences and not denigrate them because of their differences.  Most of us, I believe, want our children to be accepting of others and to live successfully in a diverse world.  If we were to allow ourselves to speak in our moments of weakness, or to turn our backs when we see another being ridiculed for their own differences, what kind of lesson are we teaching?  Do as I say, not as I do?  Not a very good one, in my mind.

So I chose to have integrity in my blogging.  I talk about my day.  I blog about things that I'm doing and, sometimes, people that I meet.  But I try very hard never to bring anyone down in what I write.  The same goes for my commenting in others' blogs, even if I don't agree with what they are saying.  It IS possible to disagree with someone in a respectful manner - even on the internet.

I also try to think of my internet integrity in the same way that I think of my offline integrity.  To most of you, I am words on a screen.  You've never met me.  You only know the face that I've presented to you, through the words I've chosen to write and the pictures I've chosen to put up.  I have anonymity in this.  I can invent myself to be whoever I want online.  But what I want to be is the same person I am when I'm not typing words into a computer.  I don't want to hide behind an online persona, for the "pleasure" of knocking someone down a peg.  The opinions of those I've come to admire and befriend online are as important to me as the opinions of those who are part of my everyday offline life.  Knowing that I am the same, whether online or in person, is important to me.  So I refuse to allow myself to lose any of that integrity due to cruelty to others.

As per usual, this is a stream of consciousness post.  Most of mine will be.  It's the way I write.  But I also think it comes across more honestly than if I were to let it sit for a few days.

I hope you continue to read my blog and continue to offer your support to The Mom Pledge.  

More about what the Mom Pledge Means to Me

I posted earlier in the week about The Mom Pledge.  Right now, Elizabeth is asking for Moms to write about this topic.  (Though the link for submissions is only up for another few hours).  I've been wanting to write about this for most of the week, but this is the first time I've had a chance to sit down and do so.

I'm very familiar with bullying.  The bullying I had as a child was relatively mild as bullying goes.  It was teasing about weight, brains and lack of money.  It was pretending to be my friend and talking behind my back.  And it hurt.  I remember my mom saying how much it hurt her to have me come home crying because kids in my class would say things that hurt.  It was one of the reasons I left to live in Florida with my Dad.  My hometown was so small there was just those that were in and those that were out.  There weren't enough kids to have cliques.  When I moved to Florida, I didn't have to worry about the hateful words any more.  It's not that I changed or tried to reinvent myself.  It was just that there was a larger group of people and I was able to find my niche in a lot of different groups.

As I grew older, I thought that the hateful words, the bullying and the snark would be left behind.  I didn't deal with it in college (again, thanks to a wonderful group of friends and the ability to fit in with a lot of different people). Right after, I was semi-isolated because... well, because that's the kind of person I am.  I have a hard time stepping forward and making friends.  Once the internet came around, I found a lot more friends all over the world.  Because I'm a trusting person, I used belief as my default with what people told me.  And yet, I still didn't get burned.  I don't quite know how I got so lucky.  But then again, for all I know, people were talking about me behind my back.

Cowardly bullying came to the forefront when a community popped up on LJ - SDMB Anonymous.  The SDMB was a forum I'd spent a lot of time in.  In fact, it's where I met my husband.  SDMB Anonymous was a place on LJ where people from the SDMB could come in and (anonymously, of course)  snark on the denizens of the SDMB that they didn't care for.  I saw many of my friends with broken hearts because they thought they were well liked, only to have several people come in and slam them for any little thing that annoyed them.  They didn't do it to try to help the people they were commenting on.  They did it to help bring the others down.

Some of the people that were commented on were parents and it was their parenting that was called into question.  Comments about cleanliness, or the way they raised their kids, or the lifestyle choices that the practiced were all thrown like rotten eggs at the head of the person they deemed unworthy.  Some of those parents were strong enough to say, "Screw you!  If you can't be brave enough to put your name on it, then your opinion doesn't matter."  But not all of them.  Some of the people were broken, pulling away from all their friends because they had no idea if they were one of the people who had made the mean comments.

It's the same with the bullies in the Mom Blogosphere.  Now, I'll say right up front that I've been incredibly lucky not to have been the target of hateful words on my blog or (as far as I know) anyone else's.  But I've heard stories about moms that aren't so lucky.  It's hard to put those comments in the rear view mirror, especially when you have your own doubts about your parenting.  I have doubts regularly and if I had someone come in and tell me, "You're such an ignorant bitch!  You shouldn't let your kids do X, Y and Z.  It's just stupid and your harming your kids by doing so." I know that I'd be calling my husband, breaking down in tears because I would wonder if they were right.

I don't know for certain why some moms feel the necessity to come in and spread cruelty like it's apple butter.  (Yeah, I'm getting into weird metaphors tonight.  Don't ask.)  My guess is that they are so convinced that they are right that they feel it's their duty to tell other people how to do things right.  Or they are so insecure that the only way that they can feel better about themselves is by pulling down everyone else around them.  Or maybe they do have an irrational hatred for the person that they're slamming.  It could be any of these reasons, all of them or none of them.

I think it's important for those of us in the Blogosphere to stop it when we see it.  Yeah, it can be tough to call someone on negative behavior.  How many of us look the other way when we see a fight between husband and wife in the middle of the street, or hear a woman screaming at her kids next door about how worthless they are?  For me, I know that I worry that I'm making a mistake by getting involved, that maybe it's just a one time thing or maybe the person that's doing the negative behavior will come after me next.  It's straight up fear.  And I think that's why so many bloggers and their readers let these kinds of things slide - somewhere, deep inside, they're afraid that it will reflect badly on them or that they'll be making a mistake if they say something.  That fear is in me and for far too long, I've looked the other way when I've seen this cruelty.

But not any more.  Someone has to stand up and say it's not acceptable.  Elizabeth has given us a great place to get together and be strong together with this.  She's gotten the ball rolling, but those of us that believe in The Mom Pledge are the ones that have to keep it going.  Don't say the pledge and let that be it.  Be active.  Step up for your fellow bloggers.  Listen to them when they're feeling put upon.  Sometimes it could just be a matter of misreading things (which is a huge problem with the written word) and it could take a second look to get things on the right track.  And sometimes they could be the victim of bullying.  Either way, BE there for your fellow bloggers.  Get to know them.  Read their blogs.  Comment on their posts.  It's one way to make sure that, should the time come when a bully enters their lives, they don't have to feel like their alone.

For those who haven't read it before, please go take a look at the Pledge.  And think about it and how you can help.  Because bullying doesn't go away when you get out of school, and it doesn't go away because the person doing so is writing words on a screen.

The Mom Pledge

I saw this on one of the other Mom/Swapper blogs I read, Urban Granola and thought, "This sounds like something I want to get behind."  It came from The Take the Pledge Campaign and is a pledge to stop online bullying from Moms.  I'll admit that I have been lucky enough not to see any bullying myself, but this is the kind of thing that I fully support.  Moms come in all shapes and sizes, with different beliefs and ideals.  No one way is right.  And I'll support any mom that is being attacked for her beliefs or the way she raises her kids, regardless of whether I believe the same as she.

Here is the pledge.  If you believe the same, please consider taking the pledge yourself.

The Mom Pledge

I am a proud Mommy Blogger. I will conduct myself with integrity in all my blogging activities. I can lead by example.

I pledge to treat my fellow moms with respect. I will acknowledge that there is no one, "right" way to be a good Mom. Each woman makes the choices best for her family.

I believe a healthy dialogue on important issues is a good thing. I will welcome differing opinions when offered in a respectful, non-judgmental manner. And will treat those who do so in kind.

I stand up against online bullying. My blog is my space. I will not tolerate comments that are rude, condescending or disrespectful.

I refuse to give those who attack a platform. I will remove their remarks from my blog with no mention or response. I can take control.

I want to see moms work together to build one another up, not tear each other down. Words can be used as weapons. I will not engage in that behavior.

I affirm that we are a community. As a member, I will strive to foster goodwill among moms. Together, we can make a difference.