I is for... Incense

I love the smell of incense burning in my home.  There's something about the small stick, wafting scented smoke through my apartment, that is calming to me.  With incense burning, I know that I can have an enjoyable scent reach my nose.  And I don't have to worry about open flame, like I do with candles.

It's been awhile since I'd burned any incense.  In part, it was because I didn't really have a good place to keep it.  Nowhere stable, out of reach of the kids and somewhere the scent could travel.  Plus, I wasn't sure what I'd done with my incense holder and my incense when we moved.

The other day, though, I found both.  And Teddy, not knowing what the incense holder was, played around with it and accidentally broke it.  I was upset more because of the age of the holder - I'd had it for 15 years - than the price of getting a new one - $1.  But there's no use crying over ashes, so I went out and purchased a new holder yesterday.

It's very similar in style to the one I had before - just a long, thin piece of wood about an inch and a half wide, curved slightly at one end to help hold the stick of incense.  On the opposite end is a gold colored yin-yang symbol.  I could have gotten a couple of different designs - the one I remember is a peace sign - but the yin-yang appealed to me more.

Now that I have my holder and my incense, it's time to make the house smell better.  I put some Oriental Woods incense in the holder, lit it, and have been enjoying the scent while I've written this post.

H is for... Handholding

On Sunday morning, I drove my eldest to church for his religious education class.  It was just the two of us and, as we were walking across the lawn to the church, chatting about nothing consequential, I felt a small hand slip into mine.  And it made my heart smile.
It's the simple things like this that make me happy.  Especially since I know that I'll only have that feeling for a small amount of time.  Before long, he'll be embarrassed to hold my hand.  He'll be a teen and not want to embarrass himself in front of his friends.  He'll feel that he won't need the warm-blanket security that comes from holding on to your Mom's hand.  He'll try to go it alone without much input from me.  And by the time he'll want to slip his hand into mine again, it will be so much bigger, not nearly as soft.  It will be a growing man's hand instead of a little boy's hand.  These are things that I know as well as if I could see the future.
So I take these moments of happiness as I can.  I revel in the trust is engendered by that simple action.  I feel protective, loving.  I feel like I am the world for this boy, and I'm glad that, for a time, I can be that for him.  Because that's what a Mommy should be.

Treasure these memories while you can

G is for... Gaming

I still remember my first time.  I was in the Student Center, sitting with two friends.  Eric, the one that was experienced in this sort of thing, was talking us through what we needed to do.  He led us down the path, helping us craft just what we needed.  And while my friend Alison was able to walk away, I knew I was hooked for life.  I'd become a gamer.

For the longest time, I had to hide it.  My step-mom had very negative views of gaming.  She was convinced that it was a tool of the devil and that I'd lose myself to insanity if I played.  So I never looked for a group when I was home.  It was something I just did when I was in college.  We had a regular group that got together - Eric, Jake, Jay, Jim... I was the only girl in the group.  But that didn't matter.  I was there to have fun, and fun I had.  I played a psionic based on myself.  I played a wizard (which was actually one of my worse characters - I had a tendency to do things that broke the game when I played her) in a fantasy setting. I played GURPS (Generic Universal Role-Playing System).  I played Champions.  I lost myself in whatever my GM (usually Eric) wanted to throw my way.  And I wished I could play when I got home too.

I suffered a drought in my gaming for several years.  Even though I had my own GURPS books (carefully hidden from my step-mom), I didn't know anyone to play with, didn't know how to find a gaming group.  So I created characters in the dead of night, hoping that someday, I'd be able to use them.

It wasn't until I was immersed in the online community that I started gaming again.  First the occasional game with some friends after I moved to NY.  Then with my future husband (since that fact that I was a Gamer Girl was one of the things that drew me to him.)  I learned that there was more to the world than just GURPS and Champions.  I was (finally) introduced to D&D.  I learned that you didn't need dice to play, and that you could play as easily by writing e-mails online as you could playing face to face.  In fact, for a long time, all I was able to do was play online in a few Amber Diceless Role-Playing games.  (Based on Roger Zelazny's Chronicles of Amber.)  My world was expanding.

While Rich and I lived in Philly, I had my first regular gaming group since college.  At first, we met at a local bar/restaurant every Tuesday.  But when that started getting pricey, we moved the game to our apartment.  One of the saddest times was when we moved from Philly to Nashville - no more regular gaming with our friends.

It took us awhile to find a new group to game with.  At first, it was just not really knowing anyone.  Then there was the added challenge of having young kids.  But we were lucky enough to find not one, but two groups that had kids the same age as ours to play with.  The first family moved away from Nashville and our group dissolved.  The second is just another family and us - and we're still getting together, semi-regularly, to play.   And when we don't have time to get together because of life hitting us hard, Rich and I will sometimes run one-on-one games.  We've also had Teddy and Pete wanting to join in.  (Pete more to roll the dice, Teddy to actually have fun playing.)  It's family fun, and I couldn't ask for anything better.

In gaming, I get something that I haven't found elsewhere.  I get to use my creativity in creating stories.  I get to create something with others.  I get to have memorable moments and stories to share with like-minded individuals.  I get to be a part of something.  And, for a little while, I get to set my life and my problems to the side and be someone different than who I am.  I can lose myself in a fantasy where I am a superior thief.  A master archer.  A swordswoman who will fight to the death to protect her friends.  A superhero with the ability to turn insubstantial.  Anything I can dream, I can be.  And I can set her world aside for awhile whenever I need to go back to real life, knowing that she'll be there waiting for me to take her on her next adventure whenever I feel the need.

Running our boys through their first D&D session

   If you happen to be a gamer as well, feel free to share your favorite gaming story in comments.  I love hearing what other characters have faced!

F is for... Family Literacy Day

Today was Belmont University's 13th Annual Family Literacy Day.  It's a free event that the University puts on for the community to promote literacy.  Aimed at kids from pre-K to sixth grade, the kids get a paper with six boxes on it.  They go to their choice of reading circles set up by different groups on campus, where they can either read to or be read to by volunteers made up of groups on campus.  After their stories, they get a sticker in a box to prove they've been to a reading circle.  When they get two stickers, they can go get refreshments and/or do crafts.  When they get six stickers, they are allowed to pick out a book from a large selection of books - anything from picture books to the latest book by Lemony Snicket.  It's a great way to get kids reading and enjoying the written word.

Small signs to let people know they've come to the right place.

This is our 4th year going (I think) and, as in past years, we had a wonderful time.  They host it at one of the local parks so we can enjoy the wonderful Tennessee spring sunshine. Things were set up a litter different this year from the times we've been in the past.  They'd moved the registration table inside and had the reading circles in the new baseball stadium the park had built over the last year.  But we were able to find where we needed to be fairly quickly, picked up the boys' papers and goody bags, and headed out to get our read on!

Showing the way to the reading circles.

As always, there were quite a few groups with their reading circles, all vying for the attention of kids to come listen to their stories.  Each group had a different theme (though they didn't always choose books that were exactly fitting).  As soon as we walked in, someone suggested we got to her group where they were reading fairy tales and mythology.  It was as good of a place to start as any other, so the boys went and chose a Dr. Seuss - Horton Hears a Who.  I don't think the students that suggested it really realized how long the story was.  It took three of them reading it to the boys to get through it, and then they gave each of them two stickers instead of one!  The kids were pretty happy with that!

My boys, listening as a student reads Horton Hears a Who to them.

Pete was behaving pretty well there, too.  I was happy with my boys.

We actually split up at that point, Pete going with Rich and Teddy coming with me.  They both wanted different kinds of books, so it seemed to make sense.  Teddy and I wandered around until we found a lonely group with dinosaur books.  Teddy chose the book How Do Dinosaurs Go To School?.  We were able to talk him into sharing reading duties.  He read one page and one of the students read the next.  By the time they got to the last page, they both read together.  And I think it gave Teddy the courage to try reading out loud on his own for the future books.

Teddy and one of the students reading together.

The next circle we stopped at was a huge hit for Teddy.  He saw a book that he loved and he wanted to read it to them. Dear Mrs. La Rue: Letters From Obedience School. Apparently, it's one his teacher has read in school before and he loves it.  The girls he read to were really impressed with how well he did.  Reading words like "Obedience" isn't something you'd expect from a 7 year old.  While he was reading, Pete and Rich came over, Pete having just one more story to go.  A couple of the other students read to him while Teddy was continuing to read his.  He finished before Teddy and got not just his last star but also a blow pop!  Then he sat down to listen to Teddy finish reading his story. The girls Teddy was reading to were so impressed that they gave him two stars.

Teddy, entertaining the students with his reading.

The last story was one that Teddy chose to read as well, and was one that he knew both he and his brother would enjoy. Two Crazy Pigs. I wasn't paying quite as much attention during that one, though the students and my boys both seemed to enjoy it quite a bit.  I love watching my boys interact like that!

Little Brother paying attention while Big Brother reads him a story.

I actually snuck off so I could take a picture from the bleachers of all the reading circles.  Being a reader from my earliest days, seeing so many groups promoting reading, and so many parents bringing their kids to share in the joy of reading, was a wonderful thing.

A sea of reading circles, spreading the joy of reading

Once the boys had all their stickers, we headed inside the Community Center where they had the book table set up.  Teddy looked at the chapter books while Pete looked at the picture book end.  Teddy thought he had his book - a Pokemon book, Coal Badge Battle.  Of course, when Pete saw that Teddy had a Pokemon book, he decided he needed a Pokemon book too.  Knowing the likelihood of them having two different Pokemon books, Teddy agreed to pass his off to his brother and picked up Tethan Battle Adventure #3 (Star Wars: The Clone Wars), a Star Wars Choose Your Own Adventure.  Awesome score for both of them!

Boys and their books...

After that, the boys just had to get their refreshments (popcorn and cotton candy, as well as some water), each made a bookmark and then Teddy decided to get his face painted in a way to perfectly show off the day.

And I love that he loves to read!

As always, it was an awesome day filled with fun for all of us.  I love my boys and love that they are readers, but I love even more that Belmont University puts this on every year.  If you are in or around the Nashville area at the beginning of April next year and have kids sixth grade or below, I definitely recommend checking this out.  Because you'll have an afternoon of awesome reading fun! I know we always do.

E is for... Energy

Dear Energy Fairy,

How are things going?  I noticed that you haven't been by as much lately and I was getting a little worried.  I mean, 20 years ago, you were always around.  You helped me pull all-nighters in college.  You helped me stay out partying until 5 am and still make it in to work the next day.  We were best friends!  So what happened?

I mean, I know I wasn't there as much when my boys were born.  Kids can be hard work.  But still, you managed to drop by daily, kept me going, kept me moving.  You've always been so giving, and it's one of the things that I like about you.

But this last week or so, I haven't seen you at all.  No stops for late night chats.  No afternoon coffee talks.  And it hurts.  Because I really looked forward to those times.  I may not have told you often enough, but I need you, Energy Fairy.  I don't know how to make it through my day without you.

So please, please come back soon.  There's so much we can do together.  And I promise, I'll do whatever you want to make you feel appreciated.  Go to bed earlier?  Exercise more?  Drink more coffee?  I don't care what it is, I just want you back in my life.  Just think about it.

Hopefully your friend,
Amber



Dear Amber,

Nothing's wrong.  I've been by every day, but you're usually sleeping or on the computer.  I've been leaving your energy packages with Pete.  Do you think maybe he's taking them?

I'm hoping to stop by tomorrow.  If you'd go to bed a little earlier and maybe get some exercise done on the Wii Fit in the morning, you should be awake for our chat.

Always your friend,
Energy Fairy

D is for... Deni

37 years ago tomorrow, a little girl came into the world.  She showed up two months before she was supposed to and there was a good chance that she may not have grown to see her first birthday.  But grow she did, and it wasn't long before she was home with her mom, dad and big sister.  This was my little sister, Deni.

She didn't have it easy, having me for a big sister.  I wanted her as a doll when she was really little.  I remember my mom telling a story of finding me in the playpen with her, my arms around her neck "hugging" her and while he body kind of hung there.  I couldn't have been more than a couple years old at the time.  I just wanted to show her I loved her.

And then there was the time that I got into Mom's make-up and turned both of us into clowns.

Or the time that I got Mom's scissors and played stylist.  I made a disaster of her hair, and just before she was ready to return the favor, Mom came in and caught us.  There were several months where Mom had to correct everyone that said she had such a cute little boy.

I had a hard time controlling my temper when I was younger, and I'm honestly surprised that I didn't manage to kill her.  I'm even more surprised that she still talks to me.

But even if I made her life a bit rough, I wouldn't let anyone else.  When she was in kindergarten, I got into it with a little boy in her class that was picking on her.  The boy hit me, but I didn't care.  I was protecting Deni.  And that's what was important.  I might be able to pick on her, but no one else could.

And it wasn't always bad.  I still remember days of playing on our property - we were running through a hidden passage in a castle; we were part of the Duke family; we made snow angels; we played softball or soccer.  Before she started school, I tried to teach her how to read.  As we got a little older, we would talk about various things in the room that we shared.  She was my sister and I loved her.

When I was 15 and she was 13, I moved from living with her and my mom to live with my Dad.  And for the longest time, she was stuck as a 13 year old in my mind.  It didn't matter that I saw her every summer.  She was still 13 so she couldn't date, couldn't graduate high school, couldn't drink or smoke, couldn't go to college, couldn't get married... She was my little sister and she wasn't old enough for that!

But somehow, the years have caught up.  Maybe it's the fact that she's been an editor at the paper she works at for 17 years (I think).  Maybe it's the fact that she's been married for over 11 years.  Maybe it's the fact that she has two kids.  Maybe I'm just growing up too.  But I'm no longer in denial regarding her age.  She's not 13.  She's 37.

We may not be as close as some siblings are.  Some of it is our personalities - Deni's more contained and I'm more erratic.  Some of it is the fact that we weren't really teens together.  But it doesn't matter how close we are.  She's still my sister.  We can pick up the phone and talk for an hour or more.  We can sit and chat over coffee when one or the other of us visits the area.  I know that I can ask her for advice on things, and I think she knows the reverse is true.  And as we get older, we're finding that we're more alike than either of us would have ever thought possible.

There are a few things I don't know if I tell her often enough.  I love you.  I'm proud of you.  I'm glad that you're my little sister.  And I wish I lived closer to we could see each other more often.

Happy birthday, Kiddo.

C is for... Comics

I found my love of comics later in life.  Oh, I wasn't ignorant of them.  I read the Sunday Funnies.  I saw cartoons featuring Superman, Batman, and Spiderman and knew they had regular comics that focused on them.  But there really wasn't anywhere to buy the monthly comics when I was growing up in Small Town, NY.  By the time I moved to Florida, the thought of reading comics had fled my mind.  Even in college, when a friend had me bring him to a local comic shop, the pull wasn't there.
It wasn't until I started dating my future husband that I learned the joy of comics.  And it wasn't the superhero comic I was expecting.  It was Neil Gaiman's Sandman.

He didn't start me at the beginning, which was probably smart.  Issue 6 is the darkest of the lot. And if I'd read it before getting to more of the wonderfulness that followed, I may never have picked it up again.  But being introduced through Fables and Reflections (the 6th compilation of the comics, and a set of the stand-alones that were scattered throughout the series), I was hooked.  And not only was I hooked on a new favorite author, but I was hooked on the storytelling that could be told panel by panel.
I dabbled in reading comics a bit from that point on.  Mostly, I picked up things out of the mainstream - PS238, Sluggy Freelance, that kind of thing.  It took me awhile to start checking out the main stream comics of DC and Marvel. It took me getting my library card here in Nashville and seeing shelf upon shelf of graphic novels that pulled me into the world of Superheroes full tilt.  I pulled titles from the shelf at random, finding titles that intrigued me, slowly gaining favorite characters, stories and authors.  With each later story line that I picked up, I knew I had to know more.  So I requested some of the older graphic novels so I could be well verse in the world of superheroes.  
For awhile, it was all superhero, all the time for me.  (Ironic, since I started with a non-superhero comic).  But slowly, I'd see graphic novelizations of some of my favorite books and I'd pick those up.  Or I'd see a writer or an artist that I'd enjoyed in another book and need to grab that one.  Or I'd read about a comic online and think, "That sounds right up my alley!"  Recently, I've started branching into manga as well. 
Some people think that comics and graphic novels are only good for those who don't enjoy reading.  After all, it's the pictures telling the story, not the words.  But that isn't true.  I'm a voracious reader, as is my husband.  Even my eldest son loves to read. And for all of us, the picture enhances the words, enhances the story.  I love to see the little things added in to the artwork that I may not have grasped as well if it was just words on a page.  I enjoy the thrill that a well written and drawn panel brings me when I'm not expecting it.  I can't wait to see how many heroes I can recognize in a double page spread.  It's a whole package for me, and I don't think I'll ever stop reading comics, now that they've become a part of my life.

B is for... Brothers

When I found out that I was going to be raising not one but two boys, I had no idea what their relationship would be like.  After all, I had a sister.  I didn't know how brothers interacted.  I mean, yeah, I had two step-brothers, but they were both older than me and didn't get along too well.  So what would my boys end up being to each other?  Would Teddy be jealous of Pete?  Would Pete think his big brother was a jerk?  Would they be in each others pockets all the time?  I just didn't know. 
After four and a half years, I think that they're going to be good brothers to one another.  Oh, they don't get along all the time.  I don't think any siblings ever did.  But when I see the two of them together, I have no doubts that "brother" means something special to each of them.  And, honestly, I should have known from the beginning.
From the time Teddy first met Pete in the hospital (and maybe even before, while I was pregnant with him), Teddy loved his little brother.  He would proudly point to Pete and tell everyone we met, "That's my little brother, Peter."  He wanted to teach him things, like how to play with his toys or how to jump.  He wanted to learn how to feed him, and he wanted to read him stories.  When we would stop at Kroger, he would go to the bakery and ask for "a cookie for me and my baby brother, Peter."  He adored him.

And it hasn't changed as he's gotten older.  He loves to teach Pete how to do things.  He'll sit with him and read him stories.  He'll try to teach him how to play Pokemon.  He'll help him on the Wii or play pretend with him.  He takes being a big brother seriously, though their play is rarely serious.  He tries to guide him, teach him, and be what he thinks a big brother needs to be while still being who he is.
And Pete worships Teddy.  From the time he could crawl, he would follow his brother around.  Everything that Teddy has been interested in, Pete has followed with interest of his own.  When Teddy was into super heroes, Pete had his favorites.  Since Teddy has been into Pokemon, Pete has learned from him the different types, their moves, their strengths and weaknesses.  Pete's saddest day was when Teddy started kindergarten and they had to be apart all day long.  He can't wait until Teddy is home from school each day and wants to tell his brother everything he missed.  And he wants to spend every minute with him, if only Teddy would let him.
They each look out for the other one.  So often, Teddy will help Pete with something he can't get quite right. So often, Pete will get an extra candy when we're out so he can give it to Teddy.  Teddy will slow down so he'll let Pete "win" when they're racing each other to the mailbox.  Pete will wait until Teddy gets to him so they can tie.  
This isn't to say that they never fight.  Because they do.  Regularly.  Teddy will want alone time when Pete wants to play with him.  Pete will get angry because Teddy has something he wants.  One or both of them will come crying because they've hit one another (and Pete, for all that he's the tinier one, hits the hardest).  They fight and argue over who's turn it is to do something.  But fighting is part of growing up, and it's part of family.  I've always said that if you can fight and make up, that's the true test of love.  Because it means that you aren't afraid to let your true feelings be known.  And I see that in my boys all the time - fighting and making up.
I've always loved the song "Brotherly Love" by Keith Whitley and Earl Thomas Conley.  But it never meant as much to me as it does know that I have my own pair of brothers that I'm getting to watch grow up together.

A is for... Amber

Once again, I am participating in the April A to Z Challenge.  Over the past few years, I've lost steam before the end, but I'm hoping that this year, it will change.in years past, I've just gone where the spirit takes me, waiting for each day to write the new post.  This year, I've got a list of what I want to write about for each letter and I'm hoping to get some pre-written to post on the appropriate day.  Wish me luck!

For my first post of the month, I'm going to start with an introduction.  I'm hoping to have new readers find me and, if you do, this will be the perfect way to get to know the person behind the words on your screen.  And, since my name is Amber, it's almost like it was made for me to start here.

Where should I start?  How about with the basics.  I'm a 39 year old mother of two boys, living in Nashville and loving life.  I'm lucky enough to be able to stay home with them and, as frustrating as it can sometimes be, I wouldn't trade it for anything.  My boys are 7 and 4 and they, along with their dad, are my reason for living.  I'm a horrible cook, but a more than passable baker, so you'll often hear me talk about the meals that my husband cooks and the desserts that I make.

As you can tell by the picture above, I'm a bit of a nut. I love having time to be silly with my kids.  It helps keep the blahs away. I'm a huge geek in a family of huge geeks.  I love Doctor Who, Arrow and NCIS. I will sit down with my boys to watch Phineas and Ferb and Pokemon. I collect a few comics. I started playing table top RPGs in college and have never looked back.  I love to read - primarily paranormal and urban fantasy, but in reality, almost anything I can get my hands on.  I adore a lot of the YA books coming out in the fantasy market.  I love my Kindle Fire because it lets me bring a lot of books with me everywhere. I have a few games on my DS that I play (mostly Pokemon).  When my kids let me, I get some time on the Wii to play NCIS or (soon to start) do my Wii Fit.  One of my favorite ways to spend time with my husband is the two of us playing a game together on the computer.  I have a bookshelf filled with board and card games, and another filled with RPG books.  I have 3 or 4 more bookshelves filled with books that I can't bear to part with, and my boys have two bookshelves of the same.  Like I said, I'm a geek.

I have things that I struggle with, of course.  I suffer from depression, and you'll often see me talk about that here.  I've been trying to get a handle on keeping up with housework and organization and that, too, you'll see me talk about.  My youngest has been having some problems in his Parents Day Out program, so that will come up as I try to figure out how to help him succeed.  There are times when I feel like I can do nothing right.  And I will sometimes use my blog as a sounding board for these problems.  If you're looking for just happiness and light, this isn't the blog for you because what I post is me.

I'm also a very open person.  I answer almost anything asked.  I love to debate, though I hate to argue.  So if there's something you want to ask, something you want to talk about, something you have a differing opinion on, speak up.  Because I'll be happy to reply back to you!

I hope you continue to join me through the rest of April and beyond as I continue to post bits and pieces of my life, alphabetically.  I'll even put on a pot of hot water and lay out the variety of teas for you to choose your favorite.  And take a piece of coffee cake - it just came out of the oven.