Monday Musings - Being Someone Other Than Me

 

I've been a role-player for almost 30 years. I started in college when a friend pulled me into a GURPS game that he was running.  He started my friend Kat (who was also a newbie player at the time) in a GURPS Supers game, having us base our characters on ourselves.  Kat kind of shrugged and said it wasn't for her.  But me.... I was hooked.  Through our time in college, I played my psionic-self (who managed to create a 3 day long building party thanks to a REALLY good roll), and a magic user who had Death Touch on her staff and used it without abandon (I didn't completely get it... I'm much better now.)  And it was one of the best times I had throughout my 2 1/2 years at Florida Southern.

I didn't game again for almost 10 years.  My step-mom had a lot of problems with role-playing games in general, so at the times I was living with her and my dad, I didn't even dare have books in the house.  Even if I did, I had no idea how to find other gamers.  The Internet was still in its infancy and I had no idea how to find anyone.  When I moved to NY, that's when I found out that a friend was a gamer and we played a one shot or two.  But that, and my previous love of GURPS, was enough to help catch my future husband's attention, because he loved the fact that I was a gamer girl.

That's when role-playing really started for me again.  While we were living in Philly, we had a regular 2nd Ed D&D game that we played with three other friends.  It started as minor-horror, Ravenloft, in an awesome place called Eulogy.  (They had a room with coffins as table - it was our room on Tuesday nights.)  For a few years, I played my rogue, Lidda, with occasional forays into some other characters that never really stuck with me.  But my rogue.... some of my favorite stories involved her.  That was also the time I was getting into play-by-email Amber Diceless games and going to a few local Gaming Cons.  I played flirty characters, fun characters, any character that wasn't me.  

I worried that motherhood, and the move to Nashville, would change my ability to role-play.  But it didn't.  I played in a few online games, even moderating occasionally.  And within a couple years of Tedd being born, we had a few different friends that we role-played with semi-regularly.  One couple, my best friend and her husband, became our regular gaming partners.  For over 10 years, we tested out 3rd Ed D&D, 3.5 Ed, 4th Ed, and even playtested 5th ed.  We tried to introduce them to some of the indie games that Rich fell in love with, but they didn't get into them the way we had.  We played post-apocalyptic  games, games set in Eberon, games from pre-created game books, games that were just... wherever.  For the most part, I stuck with my rogues, though I would branch out occasionally into other classes.  

Within the last couple of years, all of our kids have joined us.  Tedd has tried just about every class, while Pete fell in love with his barbarian,, Bob.   When we started, I played to help herd them and keep them from wandering too far afield.  They don't really need me for that anymore.

Over the years, I have found that I love to subsume myself into the characters I play.  I can set them aside when a session is over, but for the few hours when I'm someone else, I don't have to worry about the problems happening in my own world.  I can be as amazing as I want to be in my mind, doing fantastic and wonderful things that the real me would never dare try.  If I'm Naivara, my drow elven assassin, I can be quieter and a bit inscrutable, sneaking behind foes and doing far more damage than one expects her to do. If I'm Glenna, my halfling rogue, I get to Mama our little team of odd balls, ushering in the next generation. If I'm Pure Riddle, my Tabaxi Wild Magic Sorceror, I can be more playful and let my "what will THIS do" unpredictability come through.  Playing Imogen McKena, my teenager with severe OCD, lets me delve into my mental health issues.  Playing Ciasteczka "Chess" Piekarski, my 1st generation  Polish American baking teenager, lets me dive a little into my Polish heritage.

Each character lets me be a small part of who I am and who I want to be without the consequences that would happen if I let those parts out all the time.   They, along with more regular writing, are what helps keep me sane.

Sitting at the table, character sheets and dice at the ready.