Monday's Musings: Trying to get back to where I belong

One week from Thursday will be the quarterly pest control spraying for my apartment (at least, based on my calculations - I haven't gotten the calendar from the office for September yet).  I always freak out and worry whenever they come to spray, because when we first moved in to the apartment, I was having problems keeping on top of cleaning.  When the pest control people came in, they gave this information to the office.  The office then told us that unless we got things cleaned up, they wouldn't renew our lease.  I worked hard to clean things up and they renewed our lease.  Ever since, I go into panic mode every three months, scared to death that the cleaning I do won't be enough.

During the year of quarantine, the complex didn't do regular pest control.  Having all four of us home meant that trying to keep on top of things was nearly impossible.  You'd think it would be easier, but there are just some fights I can't get into.  And with Pete, asking him to do anything is a fight.  I was grateful that I didn't have to keep on top of things, but it meant that I had so much more to do once they started pest control again.  I managed to get to bare minimum with help from Rich and the kids on the days before, but the kids were still home and Pete still forgot how to put things away.

My grand plan was once the kids were back in school, I would dive in and be productive.  I would have plenty of time to clean, to organize, to deep dive into some of the big projects, and to write every day in my blog.  The kids are now in their third week of school, and I've managed to get done... nothing.  Well, not nothing.  I did get the dining room straightened up on Monday.  But I still look around and think, "There's so much to do.  Why am I not doing it?"  Rich thinks I should go easier on myself.  I've been dealing with back spasms, dizziness and depression, all of which make heavy cleaning more difficult.  But physical/emotional problems or not, I keep beating myself up for what I'm not doing.

The fact that I'm writing a blog post today gives me hope that maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to get some things done.  No promises, of course.  But it's a step in the right direction.  And I know that, even if I don't get everything done this week, I have next week.  I will be successful, because I always manage to make it through.  

But by the heavens, do I wish I could afford a maid!