Monday Musings - Then and Now

 

I see the world that my boys are growing up in and I can't help but compare it to my own life at their age.

At almost 13 (like Pete is now), I was living in rural New York.  I was attending a school that housed kindergarten through 12th grade, maybe about 400 kids in the whole school.  My 7th grade class was about 30, 35 kids.  They were the kids I'd known (for the most part) since kindergarten.  The furthest I had to move was from the bottom and 1st floor of the building up to the second floor.  It was neat to get a locker, to move from class to class.  Much like in elementary school, we had the same kind in every class.  We all moved together from Math to English to Social Studies to Spanish.  We had PE every day, all year round. I was able to be in chorus and, for a little while, band as well.  Though I stopped band so I could be in the color guard.  I had some very good friends, but there were also some (mainly the guys) who could be really cruel.  Every mistake I'd made - and, being an awkward kid, there were a lot - was remembered.  I was overweight, smart, and so very awkward.  I know I wasn't the only one that had trouble, but it really seemed like it sometimes.  

My days were often spent outside, sometimes running around our property, sometimes going down the hill to spend time with my cousins, often times with a book in hand.  It was an awkward time, partly because my dad had moved to Florida the year before so I didn't have him nearby (I was a true Daddy's girl) and partly because I was too much like my mom, and we would fight all the time.  While it wasn't the best year for me, it also wasn't the worst.

I was a strange one in middle school!

Pete has a different time in 7th grade.  He's at the same school he's been at for the last two years, but kindergarten through 4th grade were an elementary school.  He's been changing classes for several years now, and it's old hat for him.  For 5th and 6th grade, each class had different students in it (6th, of course, was partly because of virtual and hybrid learning).  This year, to make contact tracing easier if any of the kids get COVID, he has the same kids in all of his classes (except for related arts).  He doesn't have daily PE, though this year he is getting it for two quarters instead of just one.  He's learning a lot more than I ever did - pre-algebra instead of some lower level maths, chemistry instead of earth science, world history instead of American history. Computers are a part of his every day life and he knows them a bit better than I do - even after using them for almost 40 years!  Of course, he's also having to maneuver through a global pandemic - which isn't something that I had to worry about at his age.

But there are some things that are the same.  He doesn't have a lot of friends.  Part of it, I think, is because he doesn't care as much.  It's the ASD that makes some kids think he's weird.  Though I will say that all of the kids in his classes, while not good friends of his, are at least kind.  I can't complain about that.  And he spends a good deal of time outside.  Pretty much daily, he leaves the apartment to run up and down the streets within the complex.  He doesn't read as much as I do, but he does love to learn as much as I did.  And I'm watching him grow in ways I never could have expected even 2 years ago.

Growing tall, growing up.

By the time 15 and 10th grade came around, so much had changed for me.  I had moved to Florida to live with my dad and I went from the tiny school I was in to a high school with 400 students per grade level!  It was scary for me, because I didn't know anyone.  But I took a computer class over the summer and made a few friends.  When school started, I was put into the choral group where I ended up making most of my friends.  The classes weren't any harder for me than they'd been in NY (though I did have to do some class switching because they put me in some classes that I'd already taken).   I didn't participate in color guard any longer, but Chorus was a much bigger deal than it had been in NY.  I had friends close enough by to visit with, and the ability to take the bus home with my best friend's on several occasions.  It was one of the happiest years in school for me, giving me a bit of a chance to reinvent myself and put all the embarrassing past behind.

Me, in 10th or 11th grade.  I was so happy then!

 Tedd is in a strange situation.  He's at the same school he's been in since 7th grade, but in some ways, it's like a brand new school for him.  Last year, because of virtual learning, he didn't really keep up with the friends he'd made before.  There was no real time to talk to them in class because the videos were more about learning.  So when he came back in person this year, it was like it was a whole new school.  (I think he's got one friend that is still in a class with him.)  

He was also able to kind of reinvent himself mentally, thanks to the year of virtual schooling.  He has a lot of social anxiety  and that negatively affected his schooling in 7th and 8th grade.  Being able to take his time, not having to show his face, he was able to focus on the work and not on the fears that were holding him back.  He's got a heavy course load this year - Chinese III, IM III, English Honors II, Chemistry Honors, Men's Choral and his first AP class: AP Human Geography.  It's only been a few weeks, but he seems ore on top of things than he had been in the years before.  Hopefully, he'll also be able to make a few more friends.

Enjoying marshmallows over the summer

As I watch them both in this first few weeks of school, I can't help but think of my past and their present.  I think it's common for all parents.  And at first, I though this post would be talking about what was better for me and what's better for them but after writing, I don't think any of us have a better or worse time.  Just different.  And I'm glad that I get to see my boys growing.

Talk About It Tuesday - Illness and the Work/School Problem

 

With the Delta variant of COVID running rampant through the country, we are faced with having to make decisions that we didn't have to make last year.  For many, gone is the ability to work or learn from home.  (My state has disallowed virtual or hybrid learning for schools this year, unless it is a fully virtual school.) It's either stay home even if you aren't feeling THAT bad, or go in and have a chance to infecting others if you turn out to have something communicable.

I've never understood the focus on perfect attendance, either at school or in the workplace.  Ideally, yes, being at school or at work is the best way to make sure learning and working happens.  But putting the focus on "perfect attendance" or coming into the office even when you're not feeling as well shows just where perfection and your own health comes in the hierarchy.  And it relegates those who DO put their own health first to "imperfect".  Personally, I'm fine with being imperfect and letting my kids be the same.  I'm fine with my husband taking mental health days on the rare occasions he hits a bout of depression.  (Because mental health is still health, dammit!)  But that's not the way our country is made to see things.

This year, it's... well, confusing, honestly.  Almost every school in my district has the words "Attendance Matters" on their outdoor boards.  Anything more than 5 unexcused absences can start the truancy ball rolling.  Parents' notes stating our child was out due to illness usually will count as an excused absence, but even those can be looked at if there are too many. So while they are telling us that Attendance Matters, they are also telling us not to send our kids in when they are sick.  Fevers, of course not.  But sore throat?  Muscle aches?  Those could be signs of something worse, yet parents are still sending their kids in with this because Attendance Matters is more important than not only their child's health, but the health of the students, teachers and staff.  In the two schools that my kids attend, as of Monday there were 19 newly confirmed cases of COVID in the school - this is new for one week, and this was for the second week they've been in school - and 93 teachers/students/staff have been required to quarantine.  This is in two schools.  In our whole district, there were 462 confirmed cases with 3022 quarantines.  In one week.  This is out of over 96,000 students, teachers and staff in all of our 155 schools.  That is, in one week, just under 0.01% that have tested positive and 3% that have had to quarantine.  In the first week, there were an additional 259 confirmed positive cases and 1075 quarantines.  That's an increase of over 50% in one week for confirmed cases and over 35% for quarantines.  If the rates keep up like this, we'll have to have more people out of the schools than in.

It's a tightrope.  I get that.  You need to balance the need for students to be in physical classrooms (because there are many - though not all - that do better in the physical classroom) with the need to keep everyone safe.  But when it comes to the health of our teachers and our children, shouldn't that count a bit more than having everyone inside the building every day?